Abundantly!

So the last few days, I have been trying to tell my story of Jesus coming into my heart.  It's not the best way of telling it and maybe not the most organized, but I hope there is at least one person out there that can relate and see a glimpse of who God really is.

I know at least for me, the single life, isn't as easy as it may look to outsiders.  I get a lot of people saying "oh honey, never get married, you're the lucky one" or "Must be nice to have all that freedom, tons of time, and do what you want" or "I'd like to sleep in like you can" (usually I get the last one from a lot of mom's my age).   

The grass is always greener....

Yes single women may appear to have many things, but we all need connection.  For those of us that are little more introverted it's harder.  What does it matter if you have extra freedom and free time, if there is no one to share it with? After 30, more and more people your age are hanging with their husbands and rounding up their kids? What fun is it to do what I want by myself most of the time.  I am pretty independent and I don't need someone around all the time, but I still on some days get really lonely. The one comment about sleeping in, is really hard for me to keep from saying something I would regret later, because I would love to have my own little one I needed to get up early for sweet or crabby.

I think the hardest thing has been for me, is the sense that I'm left behind.  And, there are times that I have thought  and felt like a failure as a women. The idea that, I can't catch a good man and I'm running out of time to have kids. I feel like I have nothing to show for myself that has much meaning. I know today in America many find significance in their careers and that is all good.  But for some of us, significance and feeling capable and successful is being able to be what we are uniquely gifted for, for thousands of years.

These things are still in my heart, I still would love to have the opportunity to get married or have kids. But something has changed..... And only by the hand of God.
I long more and more to help others find and know Jesus.

Our vision as singles, can get so narrow that we only see what we don't have, rather than all the blessings God pours out for us.  We struggle to see the bigger picture through God's eyes.  God's plan for us is so much more than what we could ever imagine for ourselves and so much more abundant.

Another thing, I said to God that morning was "Change my heart, I can't do it myself"  I had tried for so long to make myself what I thought I needed to be to live my version of abundantly.  But I finally realized, that all my trying only brought me more misery, restlessness, and emptiness.  I knew the only way I had any chance was to finally admit to God I had nothing left and I could do nothing on my own.

Jesus said in John 10:10 when talking about Himself as the Shepard:

"I came that they may have life and have it abundantly"

The more I ask God to come into my life and change me , even the things I don't really want to change that I know may be wrong, He changes me.  I still want things, but somehow over time the things I want pale in comparison to the things God wants and is showing me. I am discovering life abundantly! (even without a husband and a kid)

I'll let you in on a little secret.  You can too!