Out of the Ashes, God's bigger picture!

Do you sometimes look back on the hard times in your life, see the damage its done, and wish you hadn't had to go through it?  I wish that sometimes with some experiences in my life.  Especially some that involve my family's dysfunction when I was growing up.  It took a long time for me to dig through that baggage and feel like I was doing more than just existing in life.

This was kind of a underlying topic today. Probably also more on my mind because I am reading the story of Joseph in the Bible.  And in general in my job, I'm surrounded by patients that probably at one point think those thoughts.  The reason they see me is because they were injured, had a stroke, or disease that is causing pain and decreased function in some way.

Reading this morning I was really struck by how Joseph so graciously forgave his brothers for selling him into slavery.  He literally told them it wasn't their fault because God had a purpose to save many people and his family from Egypt's great famine. 

• Genesis 45:5-7: " And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will be no plowing and reaping. But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance."

Honestly, after being sold as a slave, falsely accused of crime against Potifer's wife, thrown in jail, and forgotten after interpreting a couple dreams,  I would be a cranky chick.  Even if luck passed my way and finally ended up as Pharaoh's second in command, I would still have a hard time with anger and bitterness toward my brothers.  But over and over again Joseph is moved to tears!  He is actually grateful for all his hardships because of where it brought him and he saw God's bigger picture.

My friend at work, stated a similar thing about her life.  Basically the idea that what didn't kill her as a kid even though painful and traumatic sometimes made her stronger.  I mainly agree with that, but you can  be stronger but have no loving, kind, tender heart.  Joseph manages to trust God so much through his experiences that he is resilient beyond most, and keeps his tender heart.

I wish to have that kind of heart that no matter what I go through nothing destroys my desire to love, give, be grateful, share joy.  So I look at my past a little differently tonight.  Maybe the very things I went through are to prepare me to be the exact person God made me to be.  Maybe many will be helped because I went through all this junk in my life.

What experiences in your past keep you locked down, or pour bitterness into your life?   Is it possible the very things that have been a thorn in your side or a big gash in your heart, are they very things that can shape you into ministering to another person in need?  How can you find God's bigger picture?  Sometimes it means looking beyond ourselves to God and asking Him to show us.  Then like Joseph we can begin to see some of the beautiful things God is pulling out of the ashes of our lives to help others. :)  

 

This is Love Callin'

Still feeling a little discombobulated this week. Not getting the best of sleep, a lull in the number of texts from friends and family, and my worship time has felt flat.  But God is carrying me.  :)

When I drive to work, I pray, and I have a list of people I pray for.  This is my routine.  But this morning I was feeling spiritually congested.  Between the dog thing, lack of sleep, and multiple other little nagging  things, just not feeling very close to God.

Today, however, I just took a break from my prayer list and just told God how I was feeling and asked the Holy Spirit to speak for me what I could not.  Here is one of my favorite verses on this.

• Romans 8:26-27:  "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God." NIV   

Then I just left it in God's hands to help me out today.

You know some days, you are feeling good, and as a Christian you are just flowing with God! Things are happening or you are getting new insight.  Then you have days where you feel like worship in the morning is like chewing a dry newspaper and you just feel disconnected.  You know God is there but the world seems to be crashing in, and you can't seem to hear above the noise.

I get worried on days like these that I'm not living out my faith because of how I'm feeling, but God still moves even on our bad days.  Sometimes, God reminds us that even on these days He is still working, and we just need to keep our faces to Him.  Even if we don't feel like things are working.  I wonder if some times He is like "Relax, kid, you are stressing out way too much, I got this!" There is another verse that is one of my favorites on this. (I know, I'm a little of a verse junkie) :)

• Philippians 1:6 : " being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." NIV

Isn't that AWESOME!  So even on the day's I feel like crap and do not sense one once of spiritual energy in me, God says "Don't sweat it Sister! I promise I will continue this good work I've begun in you, I got your back!"

Coming back from my run tonight, that I really did not feel like doing today, kind of like my worship this morning,  some words from the song I was listening to jumped out at me.  Its a Toby Mac song: Get Back Up

We lose our way,
We get back up again
Never too late to get back up again,
One day, you gonna shine again,
You may be knocked down but not out forever,
Lose our way, we get back up again,
So get up, get up
You gonna shine again
It's never too late, to get back up again
You may be knocked down, but not out forever,
May be knocked down, but not out forever!

This is love callin', love callin', out to the broken,
This is love callin'.
This is love callin', love callin', out to the broken
This is love callin'.
This is love callin', love callin',
I am so broken
This is love callin' love callin

God's got our backs :)   He see us when we feel like we falter and struggle to get back up again.  We are His Kids and we have the power in Him to get back up again, we maybe knocked down but not out forever!

The line that really caught me tonight, was "This is love callin' out to the broken"  At that moment, I felt so much comfort like God right then calling out to me.  Ring Ring.... Hello.... This is love callin' to your broken heart.... It is going to be fine, I've got ya!  

Do you see why I love my God?  I hope so.  He feels the same about you.  Do you hear Him...... Love's is calling and Yes it IS for You!

Endurance, Encouragement, & Hope!

Do you feel some days you struggle with stamina for your life?  I definitely do!  I'm not good at long suffering or perseverance either.  I get a little better as I get older but it is not my strong suit.

So this running thing for me is going to stretch me! A lot! As a kid I was always good at the short races. Put me in a 50 yard dash any day! I won in  5th grade :)  But I stunk in the mile run. I just couldn't wrap my mind around running that long.  I had no endurance.

I have run 6 of the last 8 days trying to get ready for the running part of this team triathlon.  I almost didn't run tonight because I wanted to eat dinner with my folks.  They eat dinner early and I try and run before I eat dinner, but I ran 2 hours after dinner with them, and it went good.

Something that is helping me is that I am using my inhaler before I run.  I have exercise induced asthma and before I knew that fact, running was just miserable.  It isn't too bad now.  It is nice to run without feeling like you are dying to catch your breath.

I notice I am able to run longer since I start,  3 minutes straight now at a time.  I know to many of you that may sound ridiculous, but for me this is an achievement. I do feel my body get stronger and am able to keep the pace going.  It is really interesting now being able to monitor my muscles and such now that I'm not gasping for air.

So as I was running tonight and feeling the increase ease of running little longer, I was thinking about how God strengthens us and gives us endurance for our lives.  We all need Him and His inhaler :), the Holy Spirit to keep running the race of faith.  We are all at different stages of our endurance.  But life's bumps and huge waves continue to give opportunities to call on and trust God to build our strength and endurance in Him.

• Romans 15:4-6 has such great message for this: " For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.
   May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ" NIV

This passage of Romans reinforces God is the giver of endurance and encouragement and how the scripture teaches us endurance and encourages us for giving hope and glorifying God!

Wherever you are at in the race, the beginning, middle, or have been in the race for a long time, God can and will lift us up and give us the endurance and hope we need for the race.  It's not easy some times but over time, we can start to see that we don't get ruffled as easily with circumstance we had a melt down over even just six months ago. Slowly but surely we start to feel those spiritual muscle flexing and our lungs begin able to go longer and longer with less effort, because we are growing in God!

Whats is demanding endurance from you right now? Work, family stress, a sick loved one, or maybe you are ill and suffering. God is with you and is longs to help build your endurance and encourage and give you hope! Stay in the race! In God you are stronger than you think!

Control Freak? No worries, God's Got Your Back :)

Do you ever have issues with control?  Like being a little of a control freak? I fully admit I have issues with it.  If they had a recovery group for it, I would be first up front confessing :)  The older I get the more I try and roll with life, but sometimes my tendencies toward being OCD take over :)  This week though my control issue has been a little more justified in the sense of safety, but it definitely made me think more about how much I trust God.

My neighbor this week decided they wanted to get a new dog.  Now my city has a ordinance that you can only have 2 dogs for several reasons. They already had 3 dogs, but the puppy they had was tearing up their house so they were going to exchange the puppy for adult dog.  I like animals and my neighbors are nice so I really didn't care this was dog number 3.  They have always kept the yard nice no unsavory smells from the yard :) or major long stretches of barking.  They are pretty cool.

However, the new dog seemed to be not the friendliest and looks like it might be related to pitt bull.  This made me a little nervous, but tried to roll with it.  My neighbor's other 2 dogs are boxers. Great Dogs! lovem!  super playful and friendly rarely bark and very sweet.

That night right after they got the new dog, I was awakened in the middle of the night at the sound of the dog barking crazy and of gun shots in their yard.  I got up and rushed to the back sliding door and stepped out to see both my neighbors staring at the ground and heard another shot.  I quickly shouted out "Is everything okay?"  They shouted back "just a possum".  I was definitely rattled just by the fact they shot a gun in city limits. Even if it was a possum, definitely extreme measures.  I think they were trying to get the dog to stop barking, but still.

Then about 4 am, I heard a terrible screeching sound like an animal fight.  Now, I have an indoor- outdoor cat so I was worried maybe the dog had gotten my cat.  Thank goodness it was not that, but the new dog had decided to attack the smaller puppy that my neighbors were going to take to a new home the next day.  My neighbors were screaming at the top of there lungs for the dog to stop and they started to pull dogs off each other.  It finally stopped, but again I was now super rattled.

So the next day, I asked the neighbor what the dog fight was about if the little dog was bothering the new dog ,and she told me it wasn't a fight just one of the dogs got their leg caught in the fence.  Since I had seen the fight, I knew she wasn't being honest with me.

This is such a tough place to be.  I love my neighbors, but I don't want to feel unsafe either.  I didn't know what to do, especially now that I knew my neighbor lied to me.  I felt like my environment was totally out of control and stuck with 2 options neither very good.  One: talk to the neighbor about my concerns and risk making enemies, or Two: not saying anything and potentially have an aggressive dog incident next door again.

The next two nights I struggled to sleep and obsessing over this, totally clouding my worship and prayer time.  I was amazed at how much a dog could seep into and disturb my mental life.  It was out of my control.  I could say something to my neighbors, but ultimately it was out of my control.  I thought "Man, If I struggle to give up this dog thing to God then how would I manage if I was truly persecuted.

Okay, now I know that my concerns are legit.  No one should have to live in fear of aggressive dog and firearms being drawn next door. But it did make me realize that I have a hard time trusting God to help me handle these situations with His love, grace, and trust that He will work this out.

At some point, we might be faced with situations where we have to endure people being down right mean and even violent, our environment totally out of control without a say.  How do we still cling to our loving God through these more minor situations like the dog or even persecution?

Honestly, this week I felt like I wasn't the best example of trusting in God.  Not that I don't have a right to be concerned, and not that I shouldn't say anything, but I let it consume my whole being to the point of crazy.

But God is good! God helped me out, and I talked with a great friend this week that encouraged me.  I prayed really hard about this, and in faith talked to my neighbor in love.  I put my concern forward and that I wanted us as neighbors to be able to have honest open communication with each other.  She seemed to take it well and did not yell at me or anything.   Haven't seen any of the dogs for a few days now.  Don't know what that means, but I have to trust God and keep giving it up to Him.  I have done all I can to as lovingly as I can and did the best I could to keep a good relationship with my neighbors.

I am worried that this will cause a wedge in the neighborhood.  I have been praying for God to open hearts down my street.  Maybe being able to approach this conflict with my neighbor in a calm and loving way creates an opportunity that I don't know yet.  Maybe, it speaks of Gods love in the midst of this unpleasantness.  God has a way of making something beautiful out of totally horrible and difficult things.

So I'm not totally free of this stress, I don't know if the dog is still next door, or if my neighbors still like me or not, and I'm still struggling during the day to stop thinking about it.  But God is mightier than my mental obsession over this and whatever is going on.  I refuse to give in and let this take over.  When I catch myself circling it in my head I pray that God will take it and I give it to Him, over and over.  It's like a spiritual workout :)  It's sometimes exhausting! But I feel better slowly, and just like a work out it will make me stronger in my faith.

• James 1:2-4 really helps me in times like this: " Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything"

I know sometimes it is hard to be joyful in times of stress, but the last part of this passage is SO full of promise!  This perseverance makes us mature and complete lacking in nothing!  What a great hope we have in Jesus!

What thing or things are you obsessing about that you may not have full control over in your life?  Or maybe you are dealing with some serious persecution.  Whatever the case, Take Heart! Give it to God! Over and Over if you have to and know that these are spiritual exercises that are perfecting your faith so you will be lacking nothing!

Rest in His Goodness

I was at a loss at what to write today and God said Goodness.  I'm sure most of you know the word and have a good idea of its meaning but I looked it up.  This is the definition.

Good·ness

[good-nis] noun

1. the state or quality of being good.

2. moral excellence; virtue.

3. kindly feeling; kindness; generosity.

4. excellence of quality: goodness of workmanship.

5. the best part of anything; essence; strength.

 

The last one is probably my favorite.  

 

For me since, this transformation in my heart, goodness is everything from God. Everything good that happens is of God.  

• James 1:17 says: " Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."NIV

 Once I decided to look at all the good things in life and know that it was God doing those things, my whole perspective changed. I began to see God working in my life and around me.  It is like I finally laid down my own warped, pop bottle, foggy glasses and dared to put on God's glasses. 

 

It is not that I don't see the horrible things in the world.  On the contrary,  I almost see more pain, suffering, and heart ache, but instead of feeling hopeless, I see the hope!  God's goodness and how He is trying to reach every heart and fill them with His love.  

 

In our heart of hearts we need to see God.  Moses felt this and asked God to show Himself to him.  

• Exodus 33:19 tells us what God said to Moses request:   "And the Lord said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence..."

Again, I love the last one on the definition list.  Who doesn't want the best part of anything, essence, and strength? Beholding the Goodness of God we become changed!  

 

The sermon today was pretty good, little un-orthodox, but I thought very good.  Every denomination, tries to distinguish itself with special things, different doctrine, rules etc.  Some good and others maybe not as good. The question of the sermon was, when people hear our name, denomination or person, shouldn't the first thing that comes to their minds, God's Goodness?  We can say Love, Jesus, compassion, hope, faithfulness... etc.  Yes to all of it.  It all is under that Goodness umbrella right? I Corinthians 13 states Love is the greatest but they are all from God's Goodness. 

 

So as a Christians we should be known to all around us as the ones that reflect God's Goodness and #1 one on the list of God's goodness is love.  We are not perfect, but spending time with God can help despite our mistakes and weaknesses.  We can help others see His Goodness and let Him draw hearts. 

 

So as I take time to soak in and look for God's goodness everyday, like Gods word, my sweet nieces hugs, the beautiful day, or a co-workers kind words, all these things fill me and give me essence and strength to reflect those things back to a hurting world. It becomes a domino effect. I'm not perfect at it, I struggle, but God blesses as I behold Him.

 

So I didn't know what to say today, but I guess God decided.  Rest in His Goodness.  And He will give you the best part, essence, and the strength to shine it to others.  Lets be known as reflectors of Gods Goodness!

 

Run On Sisters, Run On!

Ok, so the extra fresh air I got on Sunday or the Mountain Dew I drank over the weekend must have zapped the rational side of my brain.  Yesterday, I signed up for the running part of a triathlon...... I know I'm crazy! Anyone that really knows me, knows I am NOT a runner.  In fact running is my least favorite of all activities. 

So I know myself well enough to know that if I was going to do this, I had to first commit and sign up, then tell all my friends so I cant back out without major humiliation. Done and Done.

I also knew that if I didn't go to the shoe store right after work and get the running shoes, I would find an excuse not to start as well.  So there was no supper, no detours, no collecting $200 dollars, or passing Go. :)   (for all you game lovers out there) I drove straight to the shoe place, that a runner friend of mine, told me to go.

Now why would I lose all sense of logical Kori reason :) and do this you ask? For my friend.  I'm going to visit her over seas later this summer and I have to be in shape.  She lives in a pretty mountainous country and she loves hiking.  So with the altitude difference she is already at an advantage even if she wasn't a very active sister. But of course, she is pretty active.  So if I plan on keeping up with her and enjoying our time more together, I need to kick it in gear.

I cannot seem to drag myself out to exercise by myself.  Even though I'm introverted, I am a social exerciser.  But this will force me to get out there. I have never been able to run over 2 miles in my life ever.  This race is 4.5 miles, so I have to get on a running program and stick with it or I will stink badly and again humiliate myself.

Therefore, Monday with one screw loose I agreed to this death sentence of physical misery :) LOL  And today, I ran my first day of the running program with this free app you can get for your phone called Couch to 5k.  Not too bad honestly, I thought it would be awful but it makes you run 60 sec then walk 90 secs to start, 5 min warm up and cool down.  I was sweating but not dying.  So I think if it continues to build slowly, I might just make it :)

God calls us to a race too.  Paul talks about it a lot in the new testament. 

• In Acts 20:24 he says: " However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me —the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace."

Isn't that our job as Christians too? We also know the race will not be easy and takes discipline, but if we keep our eyes on Jesus we will make it. 

• Hebrews 12:1-3 helps us understand as well: " Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart"

I like how it says "surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses"  It is like the running thing for me.  If I tell a big group of my friends then they not only hold me accountable to keep running but cheer me on.  It helps me to stay on task and make it easier to throw off distractions and things that try and steal my time and give me excuses to not stay on track.

The other part I like is where it says "fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of  faith" In my running if I keep my minds eye on being with my friend and hiking the trails with her, I can keep my focus.  The even better thing about God is that He gave us Jesus that ran the race before us to look to.  And not only that...... wait for it..... Jesus is the perfecter of our faith!  Meaning, He helps us to keep the faith and grow it so we can finish the race of shining His goodness and love to the world through any adversity!  Way Cool!

So I'm reminded despite my momentary lapse in judgement, this whole running thing may be very good indeed.  And not only physically, but mentally as well.  It will hone my determination and help me concur some mental barriers for me too.

What challenge are you up against?  Don't loose heart! Fix your eyes on Jesus!  He has gone before you!  He will help you run the race and grow your faith to perfection!  Run on Sisters, Run on!!!

Fathers, And the Best Dad Ever!

So Father's day is coming to an end. I would have to say in the realm of fathers it started out little rough this weekend and then ended much better.  As you might be able to tell from a few other of my posts my parents didn't have the greatest of relationship.  Part of that is because my dad was not the nicest person sometimes.  I love my dad and I wish him well, but I struggle to have any quality relationship with him because of this. 

I was invited over to someones house yesterday for lunch after church and because of Father's Day of course the topic of Dad's came up.  Ugh! I kind of hate it when that happens.  I never know what to say.  So I state the facts, my dad lives in another state, he wasn't very nice sometimes, and we don't really talk much.  Yesterday, was rough because it was the kids that asked about my Dad.  I want to be nice, but still honest, without ensuing more questions.  Just to let you know that is nearly impossible with kids :)

My Dad is a really a gifted person.  Growing up sometimes he had amazing insight.  Sometimes I hated that, especially as a teenager.  It seemed he could almost read my thoughts.  He can sing, play the piano, and the guitar. As a kid I remember he could be the life of the party, and super fun.  I have some good memories.  The best ones were when my brother and I were young.

The older I got, the harder it was for my dad to relate to people in a healthy way.  He had a few set backs in his job and then seemed to lose his purpose and focus.  The anger that had showed itself sometimes when we were kids, got worse and more destructive.  It hung over my dad like a cloud.  He could never seem to shake it and it slowly began to consume him. We had to walk very carefully trying not to set him off.

As an adult I can see more things that played into him being the way he was.  He was abused by his parents as a kid sometimes brutally without him even knowing what he did wrong.  Also losing his job and having the economy tank when it did had to be demoralizing for him.  A huge blow to his manhood as a provider for our family.  He never seemed to recover from that and just kept spiraling.

So was I hurt by him, yes.  The wounds are deep and have probably changed the course of my life to a certain extent.  I got to a point that i realized regular contact with him, wasn't healthy and was very dysfunctional. So I will write him short email for holiday's or birthdays but not much more than that. Over time I have forgiven him, and I wish him well. I long for him to find a way to break the emotional chains that lock him up and have twisted his thinking for so long.  

So at lunch after the questions, the kids were cool. They didn't dig too deep. 

Today was better.  Because God has blessed me with a great Step Dad that loves me.  He has done more for me than my own Father in many ways even though he didn't have to.  I was 22 years old when my mom got married to him.  But despite my age, he saved quarters for me for laundry, in film containers while I went to physical therapy school.  He did many other things and slowly but surely won me over.  I love him dearly. So today was better, because I got to spend time with him and my mom working in the yard together. Laughing and enjoying the great day outside.

I don't know what your Dad is like.  Maybe you have an amazing Dad that encourages you, protects you, and loves you dearly.  One that seeks out ways to show his love to you.  Others may have a story similar to mine or maybe way worse.  Even good Dad's falter and have caused hurt sometimes.

The great thing about God is that in many of our lives he has placed another great person or guy in your life that has taken time to love us, and show us what a real Dad should be.  And God himself repeated shows us in the Bible how much He loves us and wants to be that Father that we look to, love, and trust.  Sometimes that maybe hard to think about when our own Fathers have hurt us.  But even in my experience, I always had a dream of what a good Dad really was. 

Guess what?  God is that Dad! And the great thing about Him is He never fails, never forgets us, never forsakes, never freaks out. His strong steady hand calms, draws, soothes, protects, and heals.

• I John 3:1 says: "See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God." NIV
• Exodus 34: 6-7: "And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin..."NIV

So we are his kids that He loves greatly, and He is a God that said directly to Moses, He is compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands and forgiving!  Who of you need a Dad like that!  I sure do!

It may be a little scary to think about trusting God as a father if you haven't had one here on earth. I'm here to tell you, God is exactly who He says He is.  He is exactly the kind of Father you need!  For those of you that experience this Praise God! For those of you that struggle, dare to let Him be your Father!  I did. Best decision I ever made!  He is the Best Dad Ever!

Grounded or Ice Cream?

Woke up this morning in a little bit of a funk.  Just feeling off, like in a haze.  Been just having a rough week, longing for healing in my family, feeling my singleness more this week, drowning in a fog.  I have been longing to understand more about hearing Gods voice.  Then with worship and in my prayer time to work I felt the word obedience come to mind.  Ouch!  :) I just cringe at that word.

It's not that I don't want to follow God.  I do, of course, that is my constant companion in thought lately.  I just don't like the word obedience.  It gives the connotation of a father standing over you staring saying "you better obey, or else"  I'm sure many of you know what I mean.

We want to believe God is this benevolent father that gives us what we want and is never cross.  God loves us beyond measure, and that is exactly why He isn't like that.  He wants us to have the really good stuff! A life of discipline and freedom from the entanglements of this world and devils schemes. And this means sometimes, He allows tough times and creates situations that make us struggle and draw us to reach for Him.

So I'm driving through construction  this morning and the obedience thing popped up in my head in regards to hearing God.  I struggle to know sometimes when God speaks to me.  But i think God is trying to teach me that I will not have the kind of communication I want with Him if I don't obey Him when He speaks and tells me I need to do something.

There are a couple things God has kind of put on my heart lately.  The big one is to apologize to this one person that I had and argument with over a year and a half ago. I keep trying to renegotiate with God telling Him its been too long, is it really necessary, and the fear that it will just stir the pot and cause more drama. God keeps nudging me and pressing me anyway.

I'm usually able to suck it up and apologize to people, but this situation is little different.  This person is the kind of person that does not hear what someone else says, and is more upset that you said anything about  the problem.  Needless to say, I was very hurt and they pretended in public everything was fine, but was totally different on the phone and in their email response.  I know I didn't communicate in the best way to this person initially, but I feel they didn't even try and understand.

I worry I will try and apologize and they with just lash back out at me for saying anything and I will be hurt again.  But God keeps nudging me.  They may never be sorry for how they treated me in return, but I was not right in how I communicated. I need to own up to that no matter what their response.  It's like God is saying "You still have things you need to settle to get this road clear between us"

The Bible talks about Gods discipline and hardships that we face and how they help us to be more fruitful and grow in Him.

• Hebrews 12:5-6: "And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” NIV
• Hebrews 12: "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." NIV

As I felt God nudging me about this, I realized if I really wanted to have the path more clear between me and God, and that I had to bear up under this discipline and obey.  I feel God's peace wash over me today and the road get clearer as I make my decision to obey my heavenly father.

God knows we have things in our hearts that are harmful if left alone.  Just like a father sees their children doing things that are harmful to themselves and others, limits their relationship with their father.  When the child learns to obey then the relationship with the father is more a quality and with less strife.  Its like getting to go get ice cream rather than being grounded in your room :) 

Is there something lately God has been nudging you about?  Maybe making something right between you and friend, or giving up a bad habit that hogs your time?  Don't you want to hear our loving God more in your life? Lets not loose heart, but bear under God's disciple and learn to follow Him even when He asks us to do things that are hard.  He will help clear the road and draw us into a closer walk with Him!

The Journey is SO Worth it!

Reading this Restless book is really stirring stuff up in me.  I'm to the part where, it asks you to Journal about your past.  It asks in different ages, what things did you enjoy and were proud of.  And then memories during those ages that brought suffering or pain.

Honestly, I really don't like to answer stuff like that.  My childhood had some good times for sure.  It wasn't all bad, but there are many memories that are very painful. I have a hard time deciphering the good stuff through the bad.  It's almost like my brain tries to forget I even have a past it is so compartmentalized.

I wrote some stuff down about loving to roller skate and ride my bike, singing, helping my grandpa with the cows etc.  I haven't got to the painful suffering stuff yet.  I thought about this all the way to work and all the way home trying to figure out how this is going to help me find my personal mission/calling.

So I guess I might have to dive back into these past hurts to find more of what God might have planned for me as a mission.  I wrestle with this, but as I was driving home tonight a good example came to me for why this process is necessary.

I love back packing!  I don't get to do it much, but I love it! If I found someone that liked to go regularly, I would be, right now, out in my garage dragging out my gear getting ready. :)  You know why I love it so much?  The challenge of the journey!  I love getting to the top of the mountain, or around here where I live now, the hill :) However, without the journey the top of the mountain, waterfall, or wherever, would loose some satisfaction for me.

Why? because it's not just about getting to the destination, it is about everything in the middle to get there that gives meaning to the destination.  Its the talking with your friends on the trail, making your food over a fire, braving the elements together, having everything you need right on your back.  This is what makes the trip so great.  The destination is just the cherry on top.

Now, its not that the trip is all grand and happy.  You are going to sweat, climb, scrap knees or elbows, get wet, step in mud. It's not all blue skies and roses, but thinking about the goal spurs you on, and there is always some fun along the way and new discoveries.

You could take a helicopter ride to the top of the mountain or location, it might even be nice, but something is lost because there was no journey or fight to get there. There is definitely a different feeling when you reach the top of the mountain or destination with sweat running down your face, legs tired, and mud smeared on your boots. That is a way better feeling of pride in satisfaction :) not easy, but SO worth it!

So I began to understand a little more this journey of finding my personal mission that God has planted in me.  Some of my journey has been pretty painful, but it may be the very key to helping me find what I'm really looking for. If He just told me what to do it would be too easy, and I would miss the discoveries and experiences that help me to really own it, be passionate about it, and truly value the journey to help someone else.

What experiences have you had that have caused you suffering or pain? Maybe there is a jewel in there waiting for you to discover.  How does this pain point you toward finding passion to help someone else?  Remember, the journey is worth it! Pray about it God will show you :)

Restless? Trust

Another beautiful day in the mid-west! As I sit in my little house here and enjoy the sound of the breeze outside, I feel restless.  It has been building in me all week. God has His ways of moving us into different places in our lives to teach us new things. 

I hate feeling restless.  Why do I feel restless? I think it its because I don't feel I'm doing enough.  I long to show others what I found in God and I really don't know how to go about it.  That may sound totally silly to some of you, but it is how I feel. 

There has been many a person I have seen in my life time try and shove God down someone's throat, or try reaching people in very denominationally  orientated way.  I really want to be a Christian first and foremost, not my denomination. I also want to be real and authentic, not focused on what my denomination thinks I should. 

A life changed by God, in my thinking, should be one fruitful. One that helps points others toward God and helps others give their hearts to God in a culturally relevant and loving way.  I am sorry to say that in all my lifetime of being in the church, I have not helped someone make a decision for God.  Now, I know God works in mysterious and wonderful ways, and maybe someone that I don't know, through something I said or did, turned their eyes toward God.  If they did, Praise God!  But I have not personally helped anyone come to Christ. 

I recently shared my story with people and encouraged someone to give their heart to God.  But nothing yet.  So it isn't that I'm doing nothing, but I struggle to know if I'm going about this in the right way.  Maybe I am, and I'm just impatient. 

I also feel my mission is not clear.  It is clear in the general way, share Jesus and make disciples. But every Christian's gifts and talents are not the same and God calls people to reach others in many different ways.  I struggle to know what that is for me.  I want focus.  I long to talk to someone about this, find a mentor, but I just don't know how to go about that either.  Maybe I am meant to struggle like this and figure this out with God alone. Whatever the case, restlessness is definitely my problem right now. :)

So of course reading a book with the title Restless by Jennie Allen appeals to me at the moment.  I hope to gain some nuggets of truth and maybe some signs to help direct my thinking on this for more clarity.  There is some journaling involved so that is good. 

God knows I hate this restlessness, but He uses it to motivate me and keep me from getting comfortable in my ruts. Lets face it when we decide to follow Christ and our heart changes,  we aren't of this world anymore.  It isn't our true home, our home is with God. 
Like a song we used to sing at summer camp, which I now know is the Jim Reeves version. (my Grandfather would be proud :) he loved Jim Reeves)

•  This world is not my home
  I'm just a-passing through
  My treasures are laid up
  Somewhere beyond the blue.
  
  The angels beckon me
  From heaven's open door
  And I can't feel at home
  In this world anymore.
  
  Oh Lord, you know
  I have no friend like you
  If heaven's not my home
  Then Lord what will I do.
  
  The angels beckon me
  From heaven's open door
  And I can't feel at home
  In this world anymore.

When God starts calling us and claims our heart, we don't feel at home anymore here in this world.  We long to be with Him, because we are now His kids.  But we also know that others on this planet need to know Him too, and that God longs save everyone He can from the destruction of sin here on earth. Knowing this, of course we will feel restless.

All I know to do right now is trust Him. Just like Proverbs 3:5-6 says: 

• " Trust in the Lord with all your heart
  and lean not on your own understanding;
   in all your ways submit to him,
  and he will make your paths straight" NIV

God will make my paths straight if I just trust in Him even in this time of restlessness.

What are you restless about?  How can you trust Him more and let go of your own understanding or thoughts?

Restlessness doesn't always mean something is wrong, it may just mean God is calling us to Trust.  So on this beautiful afternoon, I remember my God, His unfailing love, and lean on Him and trust He will make my paths straight showing me the way at the right time.  
You can trust Him too! What have you got to lose?

Power of God & a Couple Chairs :)

This week I have had a little time off and it has been nice.  Been enjoying the beautiful weather and the breeze.  I live in a small ranch style house built in the 50's.  The yard has nice big trees, they give great shade to the yard, and bring a lot of different birds from all around.  I have a cloth hammock in my back yard, and I will lay on it sometimes.  It is really cool, but sometimes it seems little silly sitting out in my back yard by myself.

This prompted me this year to get some chairs for my front yard so I could sit outside and enjoy watching the neighbors walk by with their dogs, mow their yards, etc.  So I was in Aldi's the other day and they had these red chairs for a good deal. So I put them out and spent an hour one evening reading out there. It was pretty interesting how just sitting out in your front yard you can interact with your neighbors. I had at least 6 different people say hi or wave in 1 hour!

The nice weather helps of course, but I was kind of impressed at what just sitting out in the front yard could do to my connection to the neighbors.  This is no novel idea.  People did this way more even just 30 years ago before technology and computers sucked up our free time.

Last night my sister-in-law and my niece came down and then my next door neighbor came over and we sat in the front yard and talked for nearly an hour together.  Learned more about my neighbor in that short time than I had known the whole 4+ years I have lived next to her, just by being available and visible.

It's not the easiest for me to make friends as an introvert.  It's a real stretch some days to get out and talk to people in an environment that isn't structured and no specific purpose.  I'm thinking this chair thing may help that.  :)

As a Christian I have many a time got so caught up in just living my life with my little Christian circles that I forget my purpose here on this planet, to tell others about Jesus.  I never really knew how to connect with people outside of church.  Now, I'm learning, and I'm finding out a couple chairs in the front yard can make an impact. So simple is ridiculous really.

• In Mark 12:30-31 Jesus Says: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. ’ The second is this:‘Love your neighbor as yourself. ’ There is no commandment greater than these." NIV

So I have this passion to be the kind of Christian that is Real and Relatable, not so stuck in church stuff that I don't even know how to talk to my neighbors.  God has moved in my heart, and I want others to know this in their heart as well.  What better way than getting to know them and letting God show us who they are in His eyes.

I feel loved when people notice me and are available to me to hang out or talk.  So one way for me to love my neighbor as myself, is to notice them and make myself available to listen and hang out.  It's a win win! I make friends and I learn how I can love them better by getting to know them.

Lesson for me this week, is never under estimate the power of God and a couple of chairs! :) 

How can you better connect with your neighbors or the people you run into on a daily basis?  The answer may be as easy as a prayer and a couple chairs, at the coffee shop, library, community center, or like me in your own front yard.  Who knows you might even make a new friend :)
 

Stuck? LOOK UP!

I have Lincoln roses in my back yard and they are so perfect and beautiful! Just thought I'd share.  I love the dark scarlet red and the fragrance is not overpowering.  Roses are not my favorite flower, but now growing them, they are climbing my flower chart.  They are pretty awesome despite the thorns. :)

So in my small group at church, we have been discussing Jeremiah.  The prophets in the old testament are interesting.  At first glance they seem crazy, when they preach, God seems strange and harsh.  However, if you look closer, you see how God is trying to save His people from their own destruction and how sin is eating them alive. He uses every means possible even symbolic crazy things to try and wake them up. He wants the people see His salvation if they will repent and turn from sin.

The comment was thrown out that we need to see our sin and realize we are total filthy rags, and only then are we able to really see God's salvation.  That started a whole line of talk, if we are worthless then what's the point etc.  Super depressing if we stop there at our sin. We LOOK worthless and no good.

I think as Christians and especially as women, we can  get caught up in seeing our sin, how filthy we are, and the state of our own selfish heart.  We forget God's salvation.  Are we sinful, yes. Do we still make mistakes, yes. Are we worthless, NO!

If we were worthless, Jesus would not have come down and died for us!  Being a medical person, I compare it to having a fatal illness.  Is the patient worthless because they are ill? Of course not!  And any medical staff would do everything to save that person. God made us, we can't be worthless. And He has and Will do ANYTHING  to save us!

I was reading Romans this morning.  Paul has such a way with words. He talks in Romans about how everyone has sinned and no one is perfect.  He shows how the law (the commandments) help us see our sin.  Like a mirror, shows us our filth and how sin is eating us to DEATH.  But how this can turn us to repent and accept Jesus to save us and give us LIFE!

Again even as Christians we can get hung up staring in the mirror looking at our sin, beating ourselves up, maybe even self condemning in front of others.   If we get stuck looking in the mirror, then we just continue to feed the beast of self.  We become ineffective wallowing in the mud feeling worthless.  Some of us even like being there, because we look like we are humble and meek and we may even get soft strokes from others for our decrepit state. But over time we are rendered useless animals in sheep's clothing.

Jesus says  "LOOK UP!"  "Look to me on the cross!"

Paul's words in Romans are so comforting!

• Romans 8:1-4  "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit." NIV

If we look up, ask forgiveness, and accept Jesus keeping our eyes focused on Him, there is no condemnation. The law is merely the mirror so we can see we need help and the arrow pointing to God. Jesus and the Cross is the bridge to CURE our fatal disease of sin.

One person said in the group that keeping our eyes on Jesus keeps us from getting stuck in ourselves and filthy state. I love that! And Hebrews, backs this up!

• Hebrews 12:1-2  "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." NIV

So yes we are filthy, nothing good comes out of us apart from God in our disease, but we are NOT worthless.  And Jesus blood saves us. Fixing our eyes on Him, gives us the freedom to let His blood wash over us daily, and help us run the race, effective in our faith, a serving witness to others!

So I looked at that flower this morning and what a beautiful parallel! That rose rises out of filth of the dirt, still covered in thorns, but every day it focuses on the sun, scarlet and perfect at every stage from bud to full bloom, a witness to it's creator.  We too can be the same as Christians! Washed in Jesus blood, we can rise from the filth of sin, and with our eyes focused on THE SON (Jesus), we can be a beautiful witness to our Creator, at every stage!

What things do you keep staring in the mirror at? Quit beating yourself up.  LOOK UP!  Focus on Jesus He will turn you into a beautiful witness for Him, radiant, free, and perfect at every stage!