Hang on! Your Redeemer Lives!

So the clouds get darker from multiple angles.  My family is going through yet another round of drama where loving communication and forgiveness is absent. More whirlwind of talk from friends  about their husbands, kids, and or new boyfriends gets a little tough to take all at once lately.  Couple things with my job little unsettling as well too.  The wind is getting stronger, and what is that country song... Oh yeah from Garth Brooks...(And) The Thunder Rolls :)

This is real life.  Sometimes you go through great times and then you go through junk, mud, swamps, deserts, and hurricanes or it feels like it :)  We all know about that.  Sometimes, we can't even see the hand in front of our faces it is so dark.  Everything in life is in an upheaval and there seems to be no way out and the enemy is closing in.  Might be all kinds of things from a vindictive boss, bill collectors, or even abandonment of close family member or friend.

Right now, I know that is hard to see. I may even still have days where I cry. But there is this thing in my heart that just KNOWS God is with me.  I don't know how to describe it.  It doesn't take away my struggles, it doesn't make the world a peachy place, but I just KNOW He is there and He loves me.  Even though every road sign right now is saying somethings else or maybe even maybe the opposite according to the world's way of thinking.

Is it hard to have faith at times like this? Yes! But what is faith? Faith is believing in the unseen. Faith is trusting when you can't see the outcome.  This family thing right now is especially hard, because there are kids involved and I really have no idea how long this will go on.  It could continue for way longer even years!  I have 2 choices, I can go "oh crap this is going to be awful" and shrivel up.  OR I can trust in the living God that has brought me through so much and say "I trust God's got it covered and He loves my family more than even I do"

I used to sit in church and people would bring up Job as this amazing example of someone that suffered so much and had amazing faith.  Then I would go through some tough times and read Job and think "Man God wasn't comforting at all! He just let this poor guy go through the worst things ever and then He just told him 'suck it up I'm God'"  But I was only looking at the story through cloudy eyes.  I totally missed Job's responses showing his faith and trust, and what a testament that was to what a loving and kind spirit God is.

• In Job 13:15 Job says: "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him;" NIV

• Job 16:19-21 He says : " Even now my witness is in heaven; my advocate is on high.
   My intercessor is my friend
  as my eyes pour out tears to God;
   on behalf of a man he pleads with God
  as one pleads for a friend." NIV

• He says even more in Job 19:25: "I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on the earth." NIV

He even talks about his intimate friendship with God.  These words are not from a man that believes that God is cruel and mean and hates him, like a distant peon. These words are from a man that knows His loving, just, intercessor, and intimate friend.  He knows that no matter how bad it looks and what misery he must go through his God and Friend is totally trustworthy! He still struggles and still wants and answer for his pain, but above all, he KNOWS in his heart God loves him and is working things out in the ultimate end for his best.

Who says "yeah, even if he kills me I will hope in Him"  Do you have one friend or even family member on this planet that you trust that much? He knew even if he died and never saw his hope fulfilled in his life that in the eternal scheme of things His Redeemer Lives!

Now that is some kind of testimony! Don't you think? I pray so hard that any of you readying this KNOW God in your heart like this. That even like me or even like Job through Really rough times you can say "I choose to believe that MY REDEEMER LIVES!" and truly KNOW He loves you and that all this stuff is only momentary in the whole plan of salvation for You and the ones you love.

Tonight, I stepped out of my mom and step dad's house feeling the tension in the air behind me, and I saw a rainbow in the sky through the rain pouring down.  As if God is saying to me, "Hang in there Kid! I promise I am with you. I got this!" And His loving hand comforts my heart again this week.

It may be dark you may not be able to see your hand in front of your face, but God has not forgotten you! He see's your pain and struggles and will be with you through it all. Hang On for You Will KNOW your Redeemer lives!

MORE! of Him!

In the last year and 1/2, the drive to live out my faith has gotten stronger.  I want to do something to serve others and share Jesus.  The more I contemplate these things, the more I start wondering, what does begin in the world but not of the world look like? 

I am reading Act's right now and the disciples lived a radical life 100% committed and out there.  They practiced a version of communal living sharing with each other in the group so everyone had what they needed.  They also were completely absent of a job beside preaching, healing, and speaking in tongues.  They didn't have a place of their own and a lot of times they went from town to town and stayed with someone. 

I read all this and then think, is this what all of us should do? or is this just for the people that are called to be preachers?  What should my life look like? Do I sell all I own and go to another country?  Do I give up my profession and do something missionary like? 

There is a book called Radical by David Platt.  It talks about how in America Christians have gotten comfortable with our cushy lives and lifestyles and how that has superseded our mission as true Christian's.  He talks about parts of the world where people hide and worship God in dark rooms with nothing but Bibles and flashlights, because it is illegal to gather as Christians. 

There are many other things he talks about, but it was really eye opening for me.  Made me really think about what material things I want or think I need and then compare it with what really matters in reaching others for Jesus. Am I so devoted that I would, give up my stuff, and risk everything to read my Bible in the dark with a flashlight at the risk of prison or worse?

It is hard though to know, how far do I go? Maybe it is different for all of us based on the specific plan God has for our lives.  But I do think as Christians it is important to ponder and think about what our lives should really look like.  Do we need to be the person with the house and the car with all the bells and whistles, or the lastest cell phone, or the newest clothes? Or should that money go toward something to share Jesus or show Jesus love, like sponsoring a kid in another country, or helping the neighbor get his mower fixed.

This world, especially in America, has such a motto of MORE. In a heart beat we can get so sucked into endless entertainment, shopping, eating, and many other distractions.  How do we live in the world and not be of the world lost in distraction and lost to the mission God gave us?
Jesus Prays for His disciples in John 17:15-17

• "My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth." NIV

This gives a clue. Spending time in the Bible and time with God will help us.  For when we are born again in Christ we are not of this world, but still in the world.  It is hard sometimes to differentiate what things or activities turn us into immersing ourselves and becoming of the world.  This is something that probably doesn't have a straight list of do's and dont's but more about focusing on God in our motives and actions.

Are you stuck on the MORE train? What things in your life keep you of the world rather than focused on God and His plan in your life? Instead pouring energy into more of this world, we could focus it on MORE of Jesus :)

Overcomers!

The battle rages on this week with me and food.  I promised to tell the truth.  The truth is I have had some victories this week and I have had some failures.  This is a war to keep me in bad habits that will cloud my mind and make me ineffective.  Feeling disconnected and lonely is what drives me to want to turn to food.

Again, for me being single is a struggle.  At 7 pm at night my friends are putting their kids to bed and spending quality time with their husbands.  I'm home alone.  Many nights I'm okay with that, but I have times where loneliness creeps in for a while.  Sometimes, I have weeks where I just can't seem to pull out of it.

The temptation is to eat bad to feel better, but that only makes me feel worse, which makes want to eat more etc.  A downward spiral.  I cannot lie, this week has been very hard.  I know eating bad also clouds my vision of God because I get tired and lethargic.  I will know that this will mess me up, I will even pray about it, but then instead of trusting God to help me at the last minute I will sometimes still deliberately do the opposite and eat anyways. It is a real stronghold in my life.  Habits that are so ingrained they have a significant addictive hold.

How do I overcome this?  I know it has to come through God.  After all God has done in my life why do I struggle so hard to give these things up to Him?  Like any relationship, its a growing process.  Do you initially and immediately 100%  trust and give up your whole self and secrets to another person? Some of us might say yes, but if we really think about it, in the deep recesses of our soul, we don't really.  It takes time, spending time with that person to feel you can truly trust them with the inner most dark secrets of yourself.

It is the same with God.  We initially see God work and move in our lives in a mighty way and feel like we give ourselves over 100% to Him as a Christian.  He works in our lives and we feel good because He helps us with the small battles and sin.  As we spend time with Him we learn to trust Him more.

But then the devil begins to notice that we are changing and headed in a direction we could really be fruitful. He starts pulling out the big guns against us.  He drags out the big ugly sins that we really like to pretend don't exist, the ones we just can't seem to shake.

So this is going to be a hard one for me.  It is really an addiction. I like numbing out with food.  But I know in the long haul it will destroy my health and keep me in a haze not being able to really see or hear God to really live out my potential and the plans God has for me.  God is trying to help me give it up and let Him be the only thing I look for when I'm feeling down or lonely. Rather than making food or anything else my idol.

I love this verse in I Corinthians 4:7-10

•  "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all- surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body" NIV

It says that because we give our lives to God,  we will be pressed from every side, we may even be knocked down, but with keeping our faces to God, we will NOT be crushed or destroyed.  We are OVER-COMERS in Jesus!

Jesus warns His disciples that they will have trouble also in John 16:33.

•   “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." NIV

Isn't that a great promise!  This lifts me up this morning even in my fatigue and feelings of failure this week.  Why? Because My God Has Already OVERCOME for me and He will help me in my trouble with this.

What do you struggle to break free from in your life?  What addictions or things keep you stuck and lost struggling to see God? What do you have trouble trusting God with?

You are not alone!  Lets remember together, Jesus has OVERCOME the world and the devil, and He will help us too!  We died in Him and we are born again to share in His victory over this world and schemes of the devil.

We Are OVER-COMERS in JESUS! 

Thirsty? Try the Living Water!

There is this place inside me.  A void that comes around with different circumstances.  I try and fill that void sometimes with other things that I know are not good. An example is movies or TV shows like I have said before.  Overall, I'm doing better with TV, but I still struggle with over eating sometimes.  I am a sucker for carbs., pasta especially.  This weekend there was a picnic and I had to bring pasta salad.  It didn't get all eaten and now it sits in my fridge and has been beckoning me all week.  The last 2 days have been ridiculously bad.

I am beginning to see that these bad habits I have are attached to emotional stuff. And definitely like last post,  ways that again that devil tries to get at me. I have things in my heart that need healing hidden way deep. Some of them I may not even be fully aware of. 

Those pains and hurts or even sins are thirsty to be soothed in one way or another.  And hands down, food and media are the 2 prefered ways I soothe them.  Instead of looking to God I instantly and even sometimes knowingly turn to these things for relief.  I can't stand that hollow feeling in my heart. 

Really it is God calling me to lean on Him rather than use the shot of Novocaine from food or TV.  He wants me to draw close to Him and spend time with Him and let Him heal the wound in me.  But a lot of times like a wounded animal I withdraw and let the wound fester more, slowly eating away at me.

I read a story in John this morning about the Samaritan women.  Jesus had been walking through Samaria and was tired and stopped at Jacob's well.  The Samaritan women came to draw water from the well and Jesus asked her for a drink.  Jews and Samaritans did not get along and she was pretty shocked He would even talk to her.  But Jesus was using it as an opportunity to bring new light and hope into her life.  She had had 5 husbands in the past and now a boyfriend.  Her life full of pain and sin, and Jesus knew this.  He saw the chance to give her what her heart really needed, Him and hope of the Messiah, not the multiple husbands she was trying to fill the void and thirst in her life.  Jesus speaks in John 4:13-14 and tells her how she can forever quench this thirst.

•  "Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” NIV

Instead of running from that hollow feeling and quickly trying to soothe or quench that thirst with the temporary, I should press into God. The God who longs to help heal this part of me and forever quench this thirst in my soul to be whole. 

I managed to fast through dinner tonight.  Not that I need to skip meals all the time, but it is a way that I could press into God and focus on Him.  I pray to Him to help me with this hollow feeling, reveal to me where its coming from, and conquer this crazy thirst to eat myself into a corner over it. 

So tonight a small victory of pressing into God and through His strength fighting the temptation. Fasting clears the mind to hear God better as well.  I need to remember this living water from God will spring up, forever quench my thirst, and bring eternal life welling up to overflowing.  It might take some time for full healing in this area of my life, but tonight is a testament that He is working and will make me whole.

When do you feel that hollow thirst and void? How do you try and temporarily numb it? Try leaning into God next time praying for healing and strength to fight the temptation to numb.  He will give you living water welling up to quench that thirst forever! 
 

Best Armor Ever!

This morning it was hard to wake up.  Even after going to bed early, still dragging my feet.  Emotionally and spiritually, I have been through a battle over the last couple days.  And I feel it.  Like being sore after an accident.

I know a lot of times people start talking about God and speak of His love and goodness and it can seem like all sunshine and fairy tales.  Honestly, God IS amazing and His love and goodness IS miraculous and wonderful! But I would be awry to say that the Christian walk is all sugar and spice and everything nice.

The Bible warns us about the devil in 1 Peter 5:8

• "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

Sometimes in the blessings God gives I get lost in that and forget that the devil hates it when I grow in God and try to reach others.  He goes on attack and tries to devour and steal my hope, faith, joy, and peace by trials and distractions in my life.  He has watched me for 39 years.  He knows what my weakness are and how to trip me up to try and get me to doubt God.

So I shared my faith with someone, I felt like God lifted me up and reminded me to wait on Him.  I was feeling Good.  But the devil attacks and I being to feel disconnected over the weekend and put in positions where my singleness really shows and makes me feel odd and out of place. Again like a lion, the devil tries to isolate me from the pack and circle me and feed me lies so I give up and doubt God.

Loneliness crept into my heart and by Sunday night I was feeling emotionally drained.  Even yesterday I struggled to be my usual chipper self to my pt.'s and longing for the work day to be over so I could go home and hide. I prayed the whole day just giving my pain to God. I got home and I was in my PJ's at 6:30pm and ready for bed and my sister-in-law stopped by with my 2 year old niece.  My soul refreshed some from the long day.

This morning I still struggle, but I remember that I came out of a battle.  Every time I step out in faith and try to reach out to others for God the devil is going to try and take me down.  Jesus warns His disciples that they will face many struggles and some will even be put to death because of the Gospel message.

Even though, these days were rough and I still feel emotionally drained God gives me what I need to fight and protects me from the devils attacks as long as I keep giving things to Him and keep my face toward Him.  Ephesians 6:10-12

•    "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. " NIV

Are you finding yourself getting closer to God?  Are you trying to share your faith with another? Are you trying to step out in faith in service to God?  The devil will attack.  He will try and isolate you and take you down and shatter your faith, but GOD IS STRONGER.  Turn to God, tell Him you struggle, and put on the full armor of God and call on Him.  In God you WILL win  the battle!  

Wait! Take Heart!

God is so Good! He gives me encouragement and helps me when I struggle! Yesterday was a tough day for me.  Not because the day itself was bad.  I didn't have any unwieldy patient, oh wait, I did, they laughed at me and told me not to sing but in the end we were friends. lol : ) Sometimes the ornery unwieldy ones are the best! But  overall there wasn't anything major that happened.  Just waiting on God is hard.

After, talking about God to a friend on Thursday, and things hanging in the balance not looking the best, I just struggled.  I long to have them know the love and the peace God can give in their situation.

Something, that I am learning very acutely with family relationships, is that when I chose to act, it has to come from a place of love, not of fear.  If I act in fear, when something happens, it will not go well and cause more destruction pouring gasoline on the fire.

Waiting on God is probably one of the hardest things for me.  Like I have said before, I'm a get up and go type of person. If something needs to get done many times, I'm like "let do this"  and I don't waste time and its done.  But God knows that timing matters! Like a a beautiful symphony.  If all the instruments played at once it would be a garbled mess.  The timing is everything!

So I waited yesterday and even now I wait and who knows how long I may still wait. Again faith is stepping forward even when you can't see the outcome.  I read this great Bible verse this morning that lifted me up and encourage me.  Luke 12:8

• “I tell you, whoever publicly acknowledges me before others, the Son of Man will also acknowledge before the angels of God"

It's like God is saying "It's okay you acknowledged me before another, that is what you are suppose to do, it will be okay"  So my God is so Good! He walks with me even through the unknown, and reminds me I am on the path with Him.  This means it will be okay no matter what.  We all need those reminders sometimes.

David encourage us in Psalms too about waiting.
It so beautiful and totally applies!
Psalms 27:13-14

• "I remain confident of this:
  I will see the goodness of the Lord
  in the land of the living.
   Wait for the Lord;
  be strong and take heart
  and wait for the Lord" NIV

God always know how to lift me up and carry me when I am weak and feel like my faith is failing.  He lovingly and gently reminds me, He is with me and so I have nothing to fear.  Even when it is pitch black, the winds blow stronger, and things look bad He is with me.  Honestly, it looks bad right now, but so did Jesus death to the disciples. It looked liked their world was coming to and end, but really it was the most beautiful gift their savior could have done for them and the world.  Out of that death came a hope and chance for life for ALL!

What storms are raging in your life? What thing in you life is God asking you to wait and trust Him?  Are you getting tired, do you feel the wind is blowing harder and it is getting worse?  BE STRONG! TAKE HEART! For you will see the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the living! Wait, because what looks like the end, can really be the start of a beautiful beginning!  

Not by Fear or by Sight, Only Faith

Right now there is so much on my mind.  I feel like God is trying to grow me in certain areas of my life and I'm hesitant or I totally want to push forward but don't know how and afraid of messing things up. When God said Go and make disciples that means talk to people and tell them about God.  With other Christians that comes easier but with non-Christians it is way harder.

Now I don't go around shoving God down peoples throats that's no way to share Jesus. But when something comes up in conversation with a non-Christian friend, to know what to do is the hard part for me.  I wish there was this bottle I could pour my experience or God's love or whatever it would take for someone to see God in it.  That way when people start talking to me about problems in their lives and struggles they face, I could just hand them the bottle and say "Drink this, this is the answer!" And they would instantly know God in their hearts.  Doesn't work that way though.  It is probably good, because we would take the experience of finding God for ourselves for granted.  It wouldn't be personal anymore.

It breaks my heart sometimes though watching others struggle when they don't have to, or go down a road that you know will only bring them more pain. 

Sometimes, when someone doesn't know much about God, it is hard to just say "Turn to God, or Have you thought about God?" Our society in some ways can be very skeptical and sarcastic about God.  And depending on the person, if brought up too soon, they can slam the door of friendship in your face.

So what do we do?  I do believe that God can show us when the time is right to share, through different signs if we are tuned in to Him.  Sometimes, people will prompt us to talk about it because of how we live life with Jesus, and that is easier too.  I do think there are times though when we feel a nudge from God and a door looks open and we have to step out in faith and trust that whatever happens God is with us.  Honestly, I am struggling with that right now. I promised in this blog I would be real, so I thought I'd just lay that out there. I stepped out in faith and I'm not sure what will come out of it. But i have to trust that God will work and is working even if things don't look promising right now.

2nd Corinthians 5:7 Says:  "For we live by faith, not by sight" NIV

I also love this song by Out Of The Grey: Walk by Faith

• I'm gonna walk by faith, not by sight
  'Cause I can't see straight in the broad daylight
  I'm gonna walk by faith, not by fear
  'Cause I believe in the One who brought me here

 I chose to trust that God's got my back and that it wasn't by coincidence that there was a conversation about Him. If God can part the red sea and change my heart He can move mountains in anyone's heart.

What is God asking you to step out in faith about? How can you live by Faith more in your life?  Let's remember together to walk by faith not by sight or fear or anything else, just believing in the loving father that brought us to know Him.

Burdens, Back Packs, & Getting Real

Authenticity seems to be a hard thing.  We all long for it from someone else, but struggle to be for others.   As women we are many times trained not to be.  We think "No one really wants to see the the deep down ugly side of me"  But being authentic isn't just sharing every dark part of ourselves, but showing we aren't perfect and we struggle sometimes.  None of us want to feel alone in life and being authentic helps other see that they aren't alone. It gives opportunity to lift others up and find healing for ourselves too.

This was on my mind on my way home from work in regards to God.  I began thinking back on all the barriers that used to and still sometimes, keep me from seeing God.  If I would have opened up my proverbial back pack I would have it chuck full of things like:

• Bitterness - from disappointments of life
• Resentment - from people I felt wronged me
• Fear - of nearly everyone and the future
• Self-sufficiency - trying to do everything myself
• Anger - from my past and present life experiences
• Envy- of everyone else I thought had it easier 

And many more I'm sure.  All of these listed rooted in bad experiences and sin in my life that clouded my vision. Instead of being honest with God about my feelings and my life and asking Him to show me His view, I blamed Him for not stopping these bad things from happening and not giving me what I thought I deserved.  Or I would beat myself up for not pulling myself together. I bought into the lies. I was too afraid to be real with God, or I would just yell at Him in my anger rather than really see if He would answer me back. I would pray to Him but really already have my mind made up about Him.

God began to show me He could handle my feelings good and bad and wanted me to be honest with Him in everything.  So I started just talking to Him like He was sitting in the car with me or at the dinner table with me where ever. I learned more and more to be brutally honest. Purging the poison inside my heart, one by one taking everything out of that back pack. It became cathartic really.

This was only half the answer though. The other half was putting down my defenses all my preconceived notions about God and daring to open myself to let Him speak to me and looking and listening for an answer.  A lot of times all my fear or bad relationships of others I would project onto Him, and wouldn't allow myself to see God for who He really is.
   
How many of us really are truly authentic with ourselves and others?  Are we able to be authentic with God or are we hiding?  What things distort your vision?  What is in your back pack that you keep carrying around?

Matthew 11:28-30 says:

• “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” NIV

In other words God says, "Lay down your back pack! Get real with me! And I will give you rest for your soul exactly what you need! For I am gentle and humble. I want to teach you so many good things to bless your life and set you free!"  

Open your heart, lay down your defenses, put down your back pack and tell God what's inside.  Be brutally honest and dare to look for His answers.  It may not be right away or in the traditional sense of communicating, but He will speak and pour out His love to you and commune with you.  It may be through co-workers, or a book, or kind word from a stranger, or through nature, or whatever ways are specific to you.  Look for it, you will be amazed to see what happens! 

Not Good Enough, Be Free!

Lately, I have noticed more and more that we as women can be so hard on ourselves.  I have heard many conversations from different beautiful and strong women that openly are down on themselves.  Many times its about not feeling like they are a good enough mother, or they feel they just can't get the important things done in a day, or feel they don't add up to other co-workers.  We can be so mean to ourselves, and lets be honest we can be mean to each other too.

I have been right up there as the mean girl.  I remember sitting even in church and pointing out to my mom all the girls that did not know how to match their out fit or which girls heels were way to high and dress way too short. We have all done it to each other at one point or another.  I think mainly because, we have trouble loving ourselves.

I've been on the other side of the spectrum too, maybe even more so.  Many a day feeling never smart enough to make it through school, never good enough clinician to work with my colleagues, never pretty enough for that cute guy on the other side of the room. We are so critical of our own dress, lives, relationships those exorbitant expectations no one can live up to.

Honestly, I don't know why lately I've been noticing it more.  Maybe because, I started writing this blog, or because God just putting different glasses on me.  But I'm starting to see the pain and hear the hurt in the ones around me from young girls to grandmothers.  The devil wants us to believe we are worthless and can't do anything right. Honestly, he is half right. We can't do anything truly good of ourselves by ourselves,  HOWEVER, we are Not worthless. The catch is always in the half truth.

If you haven't figured it out yet.  I have a passion that we as women truly KNOW, not just feel, but KNOW in our hearts we are loved by God.  Why? Because it changes everything!  God loves us every minute of every day JUST AS WE ARE!  Paul puts it nicely in Romans.

Romans 5:6-8 NIV

• "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Did you hear that? REALLY hear that?  I say this for everyone.  But those of you that have been in church your whole life, if I could, I would possibly yell and shake you if I needed, so you could really hear this. Wake Up Sisters!  There is a God that wants you to know you are loved, JUST AS YOU ARE! He loves you when you are yelling at your kids, slandering your neighbor, eating too much, forget to fix your hair, forget to do the last load of laundry, flip off the driver on the freeway.... YES even then He loves you.

You may spend hours and weeks beating yourself up for all the things you do, or don't do, or the things you think you should or shouldn't do.  But if we believe in God we have a way out of all this guilt and self loathing to freedom.  You wanna know? Turn your heart to Jesus every day every min if you have to sometimes! Let His forgiveness wash over you and start new.  Then freedom reigns because HE works out the good things in us, not us trying and never being good enough.  He is Good Enough, FOR US, and we are free! So Be Free Sisters Be free!

Family to the Lonely

I woke up to the best gift this morning. My house with people in it.  Little people to be exact. My sweet niece and nephew, 12 & 8 years old. I tiptoed out of my room and let the cat in and peeked in on them sleeping in the other bedroom.  Of course they were laying there, faces pressed into the bed or arms flung wide over the other, but so peaceful and precious. I treasure these moments so much, for they are getting more and more rare with the busyness of softball games and activities the older they get.

It is not quiet for long, for soon they have to get up to get ready for the day together. I sing and sick the cat on them to help them open their eyes.  My Grandfather used to sing special songs to my brother and cousins and me, in the morning when we were little at my grandparent's house.  And I relish being able to do the same and share a tradition to the next generation.

Doesn't take but a minute for my house to be bursting with energy of two crazy, silly, and hungry kids calling to me about when breakfast will be ready and do they really have to get dressed for church. :) But through the bustle of the morning messes, drama, and occasional whines, my heart is full of joy at the sounds of family in my house.

I do love times like this, but even when my family is not around and my house is empty, God still provides.  There are people at church that have invited me over and let me come and hang out with them when I needed it most, and they didn't even know it. I have had friends come out of the woodwork and invite me to dinner almost every night of the week during a really bad time with this family feud.  God was and is always there setting me in family one way or another.

There is a verse that came to me one afternoon, after a wonderful walk with a family at church.  It is in psalms.

• Psalms 68:5-6: "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.
   God sets the lonely in families....."

As a single, sometimes family is hard to find or limited.  Maybe you didn't know your dad, or mom, or maybe they were not healthy people or not safe. Maybe you have a family but they live far away, or they are just busy with their own lives that it seems there isn't much left for family time anymore.

God promises that He sees our loneliness and hurting hearts and He can and will help us find family.  Maybe not in the most traditional sense of the word, but He will.  And He also says He is our father and our defender.  And when He says father He means the best kind of father that you can think of and more, not maybe the kind of father or fathers you know. He provides and carries us Always.

So my heart totally praises God for the little moments of joy like today with my real family.  But I am also reminded of the beautiful gifts of family He gives in so many other ways that I really never acknowledged or recognized before.

How has God set you in a family sometimes in your loneliness?  How can you let Him in to truly be your loving Father that always is with you and will carry you?  Betcha He will if you ask :)

Verse of Light, Shine On!

Ok so Another total God wink this morning! I read a verse that goes with my struggle lately of knowing what to do.  I think it is a great lesson for me as a reclusive introvert (sometimes) and for maybe many of you out there.  You know that struggle with being "seen", like to do something to help someone, or get up front and sing at church, or speak, or any gifts you've been given that can bless another.  Some of us have been pounded over the head with the verse in Matthew 6:3-4:

•  “ But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

This talks about giving to the needy and things that you can do without having to be seen.  It warns against bragging like many of the temple leaders were doing back then to receive honor.  And lets be honest, like a lot of people we might know in church today.

I know a lot of people take this to extreme and are afraid of doing anything that they might be noticed.  But it can also be used as a way to keep from doing what God calls us to do.  I found this verse this morning that that interestingly is just a few verses before the above quote in Matthew. 

• Matthew 5:14-16:   “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven"

So yes we need to do good things in secret, but also God calls us to shine our lights.  Not Brag. But shine and share of the good things God is doing in us and using our gifts without hiding.  This way those around us can see what God can do filling us weak jars of clay with His Holy Spirit.   I know I'm encouraged when I see someone else doing good or sharing their gifts even when they were afraid or didn't share before.  I grows and inspires me in my walk with God.

As a single women and as women, we need each other.  We usually get lost under all kinds of hats we wear for work, school, home, church.  We get so distracted being all this other stuff, working out our lives and agenda's that we can forget that God want us to shine and share for Him.  He wants us to shine so that ones like us can be encouraged and gain new strength to do the same.  It is a chain reaction that shines Jesus love and glorifies God exponentially if we let it. Think of what a world full of Jesus light and glory could be.... Awesome! Right?!

The devil is good at twisting things to keep us inactive, distracted, and ineffective for Christ.  There are always pit falls with sticking our heads out of the crowd and showing Jesus in our lives. But if we are so afraid of this than we don't shine, then we hide our light under a bowl and it quickly can be snuffed out and the devil wins.

There is a little song in church when I was a kid that is testament to letting your Jesus light shine.  I'm sure many of you know it.   

This little light of mine. I'm going to let is shine

I think this is going to become and ear worm in my head today. At least that's what my German friend calls it when you get a song stuck in your head.  :)

But what encouragement today to let our lights shine!  Thank you God!
What light are you hiding? What has God done for you lately  that you should share? Or what talent has He been nudging you to share with others?  Maybe it's time you let your Jesus light shine so someone else might find a new life in Him.  Shine On Sisters! Shine On!

Into the light

So after some deliberation, significant talks with God on my drive to work, and a sudden God wink this morning from a friend. I think it is better if I come into the light a little. God expects us to speak about Him and tell our stories and share our gifts.  We can not do that many times without being seen.  We all need someone to relate to.  Hard to relate to a screen with no name.
I kinda was hoping to hide in the shadows with my introverted self. :) But I guess now into the light for His Glory not mine.

Break time the Real

So I went camping and couldn't blog camping very well on my tiny phone :)

Then I started thinking about how maybe I should structure things differently to be more helpful. I'm new to this blog thing.  I started this with trying to find a way to blog and be anonymous, because I want God to be the focus.  But then I wonder if it makes it harder to relate to someone that you don't see or have a way of really knowing.

So I am praying about this and might restructure things.  My main concern is that whoever reads this can relate and see God.  So if you are reading this and was wondering why no blogs this week that is why.

I read the parable of the talents this morning and wondering if maybe I'm just trying to bury mine under the guise of anonymity. So if you are a praying sort and feel like something on this blog was a blessing.  Pray for me to know God's will to continue.

Thanks :)

Noise turned to MayDay!

Happy May Day!  This is such a fun day I never new about until just in my adult life.  Apparently it is the day you are suppose to put a basket of flowers on your neighbor's porch and ring the door bell and run away. What fun!  No one really does it much  at least not where I have lived, but I think it is a super cool idea!

It makes me think of all the other fun and loving things we can do for our neighbors any time of year.  I'm one of the lucky ones that has some pretty nice and friendly neighbors.  One guy across the street comes over and helps me out with shoveling snow or one time cleaning my gutters.  Most of my street will at least smile and wave when I walk or drive down the street if they are in their yards.  It is nice to feel a sense of community.

With all the technology and techno gadgets we have people get more and more glued to their phones, tv's, or tablets that we barely socialize any more.  Even church can be bad, where people aren't really present in the service or paying attention to anything, but they are buried in their electronic stuff.  Sometimes it can look like a sea of zombies.

Not that this stuff is innately bad, but how do we even remotely hear God, when we have nothing but distraction?  We get up and turn on the news, listen to radio in the car to work, listen to the radio more at work, get back in our car for the same, and then home with tv or computer back on again till bed.  I know this isn't the first time you heard someone say this, but do we really get it?  Are we really awake?

As a Christian God calls us to multiply community, real, meaningful, face to face community and make disciples.
We are His hands and feet to the world. We can only do that if we are connected with Him.  If we are buried in a screen most of the time, then how do we even hear Him?

We will find more of what we really want outside of the screen than inside it.  I am discovering that in my own life. Even a year ago I didn't have much real connection time with anyone and my heart was suffering.  Then this family fight went down, and I felt nearly every last good thing was pulled out.

But over the last year, leaning into God and asking Him to change my heart to want Him more. My screen techno time goes down and my meaningful relationships go up.  I also, notice I'm more open to reaching random others, that were totally outside of my agenda, but obviously in God's.  The homeless man, and yesterday a girl grieving over her Grandmother dying.  Today a man in tears over missing his recently pasted wife. 

God's voice speaks and I feel a burning in my heart and I get to see Him work in peoples lives.  Maybe a May basket would turn a neighbor's day around. Maybe you love writing letters and it brightens a friend in need. Maybe you love to sew and you make something for elderly widow down the street.  We all have gifts God wants to use. But we have to clear out the noise of the world to hear His voice.

How can you shut down the noise to hear God more? & What can your May basket be to someone in need that you know?  You'll be the one left with the gift greater than you ever thought possible! Real Community and Communion with God.