"Ditto Cabbage Head"

Since I was a little kid, my Grandma and I had a great relationship.  She and I were cut from the same cloth.  She was a perceptive feeling kind of person like me and we spoke the same language of the heart.  She would let me sit on her lap and tell her all about what was going on in my small little world and listen with intense interest when I was small.  And as I got older, she would take me to our favorite little Victorian tea house for pasta salad and hot chocolate (we didn't like tea, but loved the ambiance :))  After we would get done talking she would say "Well, now we have solved the worlds problems."  With a smile that warmed my heart.

I have always been a pretty emotional kid. Very sensitive and very effected by my environment. My parents never seemed to be able to relate to that and as I got older it became a point of tension and made me feel crazy and odd. But my Grandma always had a way of helping me feel okay and understood. God bless all the grandmas out there that help their grandchildren feel loved.

I would tell her I loved her from when I was little kid till the last time I talked with her just 2 short years ago. And many a time she would say "ditto cabbage head"  She is gone now, but I can still hear her say it, and I feel the warmth of her love for me.  Her legacy lives on in my heart.

My mom and dad were in a bad relationship with each other full of abuse, yelling, manipulation, and eventually it turned into divorce.  During that time and even as an adult trying to find my way, my Grandma continued to share in my joys, pain, tears, and laughter, cheering me on and being the solace in the storm.

Who are the women in your life that have taken you under their wing and loved you? Who took the time to understand you in your life? God brought that person, placed that person with you at just the right time, with just the right gifts to speak to your heart in your time of need.  It was not by some random chance.

There is a promise in Philippians 4:19
"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus."

He knows our needs and He knows how to meet those needs at just the right time with just the right person.  It's His way of saying He loves us with an unfailing love.

What kind of gift can you be to someone in your life because of God's love in you? Or Maybe, you just realized who that person is in your life is a gift from God.  Awesome Right! You didn't have to say or do anything first, He already said "Ditto Cabbage Head" "I love you too".

No to the Faux and Yes to Love

In every single's life there is probably one thing we use to try and fill the void of family or spouse.  I am confessing I have a problem with TV.  It isn't as bad as I used to be back in college. Back then, when I got lonely I bought up stock at the video rental of romantic comedies and would repeatedly watch them over and over.  In fact, once I found out buying DVD's was a cheaper way of re-watching, I kinda went crazy.

One of the one's that was my favorite was You've Got Mail with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. And if you are a single girl with any romantic sensibility and haven't seen it I might need to check your pulse or something :)  It is amazing! :)  But I literally have watched it over 300 times.  In fact there were weekends I watched it 6 times in a row!

I have other favorites too that I have watched a bunch too. When Harry Met Sally, Six Day's Seven Nights, Pride and Prejudice, and The Wedding Singer to name just a few.  Red Box and I have had way too special a relationship.   Instead of seeking real connection in my loneliness I sought out the comfort of predictable stories that always have a happy endings.

How much time did I waste watching these movies? Now its not that I just always ignored others and camped out with my movies all the time, although sometimes I did in my introverted way.  A lot of times it was just I was lonely and none of my friends were free.  But It became a habit that soon became a time sucking monster, and always put me in a funk afterward. Mainly because when it boiled down to it I never really got the guy or got the life I wanted when the movie was over.

So many things in our lives try and distract us and suck up our time and keep us from really finding true connection with others. And as single women especially it can get really hard to find connection.  With today's society and social networks online it can feel even more difficult to really have the meaningful conversations that really help build us up and see purpose past the surface standards that we think we need to live up to.

I pray about this addiction to media nearly daily and ask God to grow Real Connection in my life.  I have my days that its hard and I feel like I'm praying the same thing over and over with little progress.  I am definitely different from my college days, and even since last year when I started praying about this.  Slowly but surely God is changing my heart and most days I watch an hour or less of TV, and more time spent in Real connection with God or friends. 

I decided to say No to the Faux romance and Yes to the Real lover of my soul and real relationships.  The Real knight in shining armor that fought to the death for me and you!

Romans 5:8 is a testament to this:
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
 
Say no to the Faux and Yes to Real love of your life Jesus! The Happy Ending of love in your heart is a sure thing!

Crumbs and Casting

Being single was hard for me today.  It started out okay but then I started to go through some old photo's of my brother and family when we were kids.  I didn't feel it right away, it just slowly ate at me all day. Then I went to this group I go to 2 times a month, things started to unravel for me.

The group is called Missional Community, and it was fine, I love it . It is a group of christian people in a neighborhood that come together, study the Bible, and focus on service to the community in some way.  Examples, are going to sing at the nursing home, collecting clothes for women's shelter, or bagging food for hungry kids in to take home for weekend. Being with everyone tonight just got to me a little as far as family.

Everyone there, is married with kids. And when I say kids, I mean TON's of kids there is easy more kids than adults and the adults average about 15.  Most times I'm fine, I think tonight after looking at the family pics, subconsciously  it was getting to me that my family is in a big fight right now, and I don't have family of my own. (husband and kids)

Hence, my singleness got to me.  So cried on the way home just cause I long for my family to be healed and for just wishing for connection in this way.  Sometimes, I feel like I get the crumbs.  As a single I long for connection with others, but usually it is what is left after kids and spouses.  And rightly so, but it is hard because a single doesn't come first much to anyone.

I don't need to be the center of attention and neither do I want to be. But I do need connection in more than just a surface way as all singles do. God is this for me most times, but it it is still normal feel this way and important to acknowledge our sadness and hurt.  It opens the door for God to come in and heal us and speak into our hearts His unfailing love.

So yes I cried and am sad for circumstances now in my life, but on my way home the rain seemed to soothe me and God began gently comforting this hurting girl's heart.

1 Peter 5:7 says:
 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

I know God loves me and wants good things for me. So I cast my struggles on Him. As I get ready for bed restfulness and peace come back over me and I feel His gentle hand calming my heart.  I love my God!
He can do the same for you. Will you let Him in?

Spring Cleaning and a Homeless Man

So recently at my church there was a prayer conference. A pastor that has made it his mission to learn more about prayer.  I really enjoyed it and learned so much.  I had already started praying on my drives to work, because it is such an easy time to talk to God.  I usually have a long commute most days, so it is perfect.

This pastor was talking about taking time to really clear the path between you and God in prayer, before going through your prayer list or requests.  He made the suggestion to open up to God and pray for forgiveness.  He stated it really changed His prayer life. He said it helped him hear God more and be driven more by the Holy Spirit when the need presents itself.

It really made sense to me. So I have been doing this.  I want to hear God's voice more, especially in the moment, so when God brings someone in my way to help, I'm totally tuned in and can be the help needed.  I'm sure there are times when I do something and never know if I helped someone or not but there are times that can give us a glimpse that we heard God, obeyed, and God blessed.

This week I had a day where I had prayed more about this.  And in the evening, I saw a guy just wandering behind a fast food restaurant.  He was walking in kind of a listless way and seemed a little off.  I hadn't planned on driving that direction but I saw this gentlemen. As I pulled near him, I just felt like I should ask if he was alright.  The guy looked at me and then in my car and said "actually I could use something to eat, could you spare a little"

Now this guy was in a part of town that is not at all homeless central.  Our little section of town is anything but.  He was walking back behind the restaurant not close to a street like most do to beg.  For a moment, I thought what am I doing? Then I looked into his eyes and realized, maybe I was suppose to be here for this guy right here right now.  So I pulled out my cash and gave it to him.  He graciously thanked me and bowed his head in a respectful nod and kept walking.

I know some people think you shouldn't give cash like that, because maybe it would feed a drinking habit.  I don't know about this guy. It might have.  Or it might have been a good thing especially when I think about the timing and circumstances. I hope that he was able to have a good meal that night and feel blessed.

Looking on it now I wonder if I could have done more or should have done something else, but maybe this was God's way of showing me how to listen and read the signs.  So I keep praying to clear the space between God and my heart so I can hear better.  Next time maybe I will know what more I can do, but I do feel it was a step closer to hearing God and being ready to serve.

So I guess looking at the prayer thing, it is kinda like spring cleaning only every day. It cleans the sins and junk of our lives so that it doesn't bog us down, cloud our vision, and jumble up communication with God.  It keeps the devil from getting that little edge to pull us away.  If we continue giving these things up to God, the devil looses his power over us and we are more free to hear God speak and have His Spirit poured out on us.

So God bless that homeless man out there.  I added him to my prayers. And I pray, I get better at hearing God to know how to do more when the moments come up like this one.  

Need some spring cleaning? Wanting to hear Him more? Or maybe you're feeling homeless? Ask God to cleanse you with His wonderful powerful forgiveness and feel Him wash over you, speak to you, and give you a home of peace in your heart. 

God Winks

So one of my co-workers from my last job, has turned into one of my dearest kindred spirits when it comes to God.  She has let me whine and complain and cry on her shoulder many a time over my pity party about being single and kid-less.  I will admit there was a time or two I wanted to punch her. Like when she would say stuff like "Maybe God's mission for your life is to be the bright light in your niece and nephew's lives, rather than have a family of your own."  But honestly, she could be right. Now I can embrace it, but back then it just seemed like a pathetic reason, AND from a married person, that I might add, really didn't care to get married. Yeah I know right!

I appreciate her sticking by me despite my cranky thoughts and loving me anyway.  She, through her own journey, has been a great witness to me.  She is an emotional person that is a perfectionist and can be overly self critical too sometimes like me.  Over a 2 year span I watched her go from a very wind blown person with her emotions, very anxious, to a much calmer happier person.  It was beautiful really and continues to bless me through her friendship.

She started saying "Oh what a God wink!" at work.  So I asked her what that meant. She said it is when God does something good especially for you.  She had read a book by Squire Rushnell called When God Winks at You.  It is a book about how God winks at us through things that most people chalk up to coincidence.  When I was going through my major melt down in 2012 she gave it to me.

We both started having fun paying attention in the day and calling out to each other when we had a God Wink. Anything Good out of the ordinary, would qualify and that would helps us through the day.  An example would be a cancellation on our schedule when we were buried in paperwork or a compliment from the usual cranky co-worker down the hall.

God loves communicating with us and He will try and find anyway possible way He can that will make sense to us. A lot of times, in a very unique and meaningful way personally.  One example this week for me was a note on the inside of a Dove chocolate wrapper. :) lol yeah sounds crazy I know, but hear me out.

I had been praying that morning that God would show me if I needed to do something different with my life. Different like if I needed to be a missionary or move to another town.  I just have been thinking a lot about being totally submitted to God in everything and willing to go and do anything God wants of me.  I feel sometimes that my life is so easy in many ways here in America or even in my town.

So, anyway, I get to work and part way in the day, after I had nearly forgot my prayer, I open up the wrapper and read "You are exactly where you should be" Love Dove.
I nearly fell out of my chair! Talk about specific and very special answer to my prayer!  The only thing that was misprinted on the wrapper was Love Dove.  It should have been Love God.  I say Major God Wink!

There was a while where I was keeping track of the ones I could remember in a notebook, and there was not a day that went by that I did not have something to write down, many times I have several.  He longs to share special moments like these with us.

So what were your God winks today?  Ask Him for one!  I bet you'll be surprised and amazed at what you learn about how much God loves you.

Frutful with Joy Complete

We all like to matter to someone. Many of us spend a lot of time trying to be significant in some way, either now or for the future.  For a very long time, I tried several ways of trying to accomplish this.  It never really worked out too well. Very self focused.

With this new place that I have found with God, I find I want to be fruitful, leave a legacy that goes beyond myself. People that have done this in incredible ways is Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, and Joni Eareckson Tada to name a few (those in my profession especially appreciate this lady).  These people have made impacts in the world that continue to ripple and bless others. Some of them long after they are gone. 

I don't expect to be someone high profile like these, but I still want to leave something of beauty, life changing, and eternally meaningful behind.  I want to leave a garden full of flowers, trees, and plants of hearts moved by God that bring their own blessing, love, and peace to others after I'm long gone. 

There is a beautiful section in John I love.  It is a wonderful metaphor for how God works in us to be fruitful. For the length of the blog, I put excerpts not every verse, but if you have time, sooooo worth the full read. :)
 
John 15:1-17.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful....
 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing....
"This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."
 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love....
I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you....
"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit —fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. "

Now, this next little bit is not to necessarily, toot my horn.  I know someone may say this at some point.  I only share this to show how God is changing me, because I would never even think of doing these things in the past, and now I am with joy.

One of the first things that came to my mind to live a life fruitful was to sponsor a child in 3rd world country.  I used to be the one in the Christian concert thinking "Really, again they are begging for money, are you kidding me?" "I'm tired of these guilt trip fests with all the sad eyed kid pictures" I'm sure at least some of us might admit we have thought some or all of these things.

Guilt is not the place that my sponsorship came from.  I had just gotten done reading the book Radical by David Platt, and was completely moved by the idea that God blesses us so that we can bless others.  It's not just about me getting all the material things I want, it is about turning these blessing around for the good of those in need, to change their life for the better and change my heart.

I decided, that if I was possibly not going to get my dream of a husband and kids (PRUNE), maybe, through the blessings God gives me, I could still have kids.  A wall full of pictures of kids around the world that might get a chance to know God and have a better life, because God loves and blessed me.  My heart was so filled and moved, I sponsored a child through world vision (FRUIT).  Of course, knowing me, I had to pick the little guy that looks like he is grumpy. lol :) But you know, praying for him, and looking at his cranky furrowed 5 year old brow, makes me smile and moves my heart.

There are other things that are continuing to move in me that in some ways are already being fruitful.  I may not even know of some of them until heaven. But all of this has changed my focus an perspective of my life here on this planet and what I am really here for. As Jesus promises us in the verse, my joy is complete.

As a single or even just a human on this planet, what blessings does God give you that you can bless someone else?    I Dare ya to share it! :)

Red Bull and Purpose to Chance

Something that I have really noticed as a change, is my level of energy in certain things.

I come from a long line of introverts.  We enjoy helping people to a point but then we must go home and escape.  Every introvert needs some time away from the masses to rejuvenate, but in excess it can consume and isolate them to the detriment of themselves and others.

My Grandfather, even long after he stopped working sat on the porch and read for hours to the point of neglect of meaningful connections.  My uncle buried himself in online role playing for several hours every night to the neglect of meaningful relationship with his family.  And there are others that continue the family tradition of going home and burying themselves in TV, or the computer, or book to "unwind and rest" because they say they are too tired, as time flies and kids grow, and meaningful moments are lost. 

Don't get me wrong, I loved my Grandfather for so many wonderful things we shared and he taught me, and for my uncle as well. I too struggle with wanting to come home and hide in my TV shows or games on my phone.  But I see how this trait over time keeps us buried in our tiredness and not really living the life God so wants for us.

It's not that I don't get tired.  I do.  It's not that I don't watch TV anymore or read books. I do. But I am realizing, that as I turn myself in prayer and worship every day to God, my energy for other things go up despite my day full of people at work.

God has everything we need.  I like to think that He has this humongous bowl of crazy awesomeness He wants to give people that need Him. All we have to do is ask and He takes out his big spoon and fills up our cups with like some really yummy Red Bull with a twist of the Holy Spirit. :) I'm sure it's not Red Bull but you get the picture.

One thing, that has been hard for me is serving others in need like going to a nursing home to sing, or making packages for the homeless, or doing soup kitchen. I always knew I "should do it" but I never really wanted to. It made me tired just thinking about it.  Talking to my neighbors or even giving time to my nieces or nephews after a day at work was like pulling teeth.

God got out His spoon and filled my cup at moments when I just didn't think I'd have it in me.  The more I ask for Him to change me the more I relish in helping others and being open to what opportunity may come my way, that I used to dread.

It becomes addicting watching God work. I just provide the vessel; He does the miracles.  I could of had the roughest night with only 3 hours of sleep and no coffee in the house, and I can walk into a room to see a pt. and BoooYAH! God works!  I'm not sure exactly what I said or did and the pt. is crying and thanking me for saying the exact thing she needed to hear to encourage her in her illness. 

The old me would have been already thinking about lunch, in my head, criticizing the women's outfit that looked like it hadn't been washed for a few weeks, and thinking why in the world was she wearing flip flops in January, seriously?.  I would be distant, try to be polite, and couldn't wait till the evaluation was over so I could attend to me and my tired self.

We are truly His hands and feet to the world, but not because we muster up something inside of us.  We are able to be, because God gives us the energy and the heart to see people through His eyes.  And then as we see Him work  we want to see more and more throughout our day touching hearts and growing meaningful relationships for eternity!

I love this song from Steven Curtis Chapman called  Lord of The Dance.  The chorus words are:

I am the heart, You are the heart beat
I am the eyes, You are the sight
 And I see clearly, I am just a body You are the life
I move my feet, I go through the motions
But You give purpose to chance
I am the dancer, You are the Lord of the dance

I love the line:
I go through the motions, but You give purpose to chance

God give purpose to our daily " by chance" interactions, and we are blown away by the love that pours out to others because we let God work in us.  Not only to the person we are with, but on us too. It gives energy and makes us want more of Him.

I'm kinda liking this not being tired not having to escape thing. You should try it! ;)