Reading this Restless book is really stirring stuff up in me. I'm to the part where, it asks you to Journal about your past. It asks in different ages, what things did you enjoy and were proud of. And then memories during those ages that brought suffering or pain.
Honestly, I really don't like to answer stuff like that. My childhood had some good times for sure. It wasn't all bad, but there are many memories that are very painful. I have a hard time deciphering the good stuff through the bad. It's almost like my brain tries to forget I even have a past it is so compartmentalized.
I wrote some stuff down about loving to roller skate and ride my bike, singing, helping my grandpa with the cows etc. I haven't got to the painful suffering stuff yet. I thought about this all the way to work and all the way home trying to figure out how this is going to help me find my personal mission/calling.
So I guess I might have to dive back into these past hurts to find more of what God might have planned for me as a mission. I wrestle with this, but as I was driving home tonight a good example came to me for why this process is necessary.
I love back packing! I don't get to do it much, but I love it! If I found someone that liked to go regularly, I would be, right now, out in my garage dragging out my gear getting ready. :) You know why I love it so much? The challenge of the journey! I love getting to the top of the mountain, or around here where I live now, the hill :) However, without the journey the top of the mountain, waterfall, or wherever, would loose some satisfaction for me.
Why? because it's not just about getting to the destination, it is about everything in the middle to get there that gives meaning to the destination. Its the talking with your friends on the trail, making your food over a fire, braving the elements together, having everything you need right on your back. This is what makes the trip so great. The destination is just the cherry on top.
Now, its not that the trip is all grand and happy. You are going to sweat, climb, scrap knees or elbows, get wet, step in mud. It's not all blue skies and roses, but thinking about the goal spurs you on, and there is always some fun along the way and new discoveries.
You could take a helicopter ride to the top of the mountain or location, it might even be nice, but something is lost because there was no journey or fight to get there. There is definitely a different feeling when you reach the top of the mountain or destination with sweat running down your face, legs tired, and mud smeared on your boots. That is a way better feeling of pride in satisfaction :) not easy, but SO worth it!
So I began to understand a little more this journey of finding my personal mission that God has planted in me. Some of my journey has been pretty painful, but it may be the very key to helping me find what I'm really looking for. If He just told me what to do it would be too easy, and I would miss the discoveries and experiences that help me to really own it, be passionate about it, and truly value the journey to help someone else.
What experiences have you had that have caused you suffering or pain? Maybe there is a jewel in there waiting for you to discover. How does this pain point you toward finding passion to help someone else? Remember, the journey is worth it! Pray about it God will show you :)
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