I was invited over to someones house yesterday for lunch after church and because of Father's Day of course the topic of Dad's came up. Ugh! I kind of hate it when that happens. I never know what to say. So I state the facts, my dad lives in another state, he wasn't very nice sometimes, and we don't really talk much. Yesterday, was rough because it was the kids that asked about my Dad. I want to be nice, but still honest, without ensuing more questions. Just to let you know that is nearly impossible with kids :)
My Dad is a really a gifted person. Growing up sometimes he had amazing insight. Sometimes I hated that, especially as a teenager. It seemed he could almost read my thoughts. He can sing, play the piano, and the guitar. As a kid I remember he could be the life of the party, and super fun. I have some good memories. The best ones were when my brother and I were young.
The older I got, the harder it was for my dad to relate to people in a healthy way. He had a few set backs in his job and then seemed to lose his purpose and focus. The anger that had showed itself sometimes when we were kids, got worse and more destructive. It hung over my dad like a cloud. He could never seem to shake it and it slowly began to consume him. We had to walk very carefully trying not to set him off.
As an adult I can see more things that played into him being the way he was. He was abused by his parents as a kid sometimes brutally without him even knowing what he did wrong. Also losing his job and having the economy tank when it did had to be demoralizing for him. A huge blow to his manhood as a provider for our family. He never seemed to recover from that and just kept spiraling.
So was I hurt by him, yes. The wounds are deep and have probably changed the course of my life to a certain extent. I got to a point that i realized regular contact with him, wasn't healthy and was very dysfunctional. So I will write him short email for holiday's or birthdays but not much more than that. Over time I have forgiven him, and I wish him well. I long for him to find a way to break the emotional chains that lock him up and have twisted his thinking for so long.
So at lunch after the questions, the kids were cool. They didn't dig too deep.
Today was better. Because God has blessed me with a great Step Dad that loves me. He has done more for me than my own Father in many ways even though he didn't have to. I was 22 years old when my mom got married to him. But despite my age, he saved quarters for me for laundry, in film containers while I went to physical therapy school. He did many other things and slowly but surely won me over. I love him dearly. So today was better, because I got to spend time with him and my mom working in the yard together. Laughing and enjoying the great day outside.
I don't know what your Dad is like. Maybe you have an amazing Dad that encourages you, protects you, and loves you dearly. One that seeks out ways to show his love to you. Others may have a story similar to mine or maybe way worse. Even good Dad's falter and have caused hurt sometimes.
The great thing about God is that in many of our lives he has placed another great person or guy in your life that has taken time to love us, and show us what a real Dad should be. And God himself repeated shows us in the Bible how much He loves us and wants to be that Father that we look to, love, and trust. Sometimes that maybe hard to think about when our own Fathers have hurt us. But even in my experience, I always had a dream of what a good Dad really was.
Guess what? God is that Dad! And the great thing about Him is He never fails, never forgets us, never forsakes, never freaks out. His strong steady hand calms, draws, soothes, protects, and heals.
- I John 3:1 says: "See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God." NIV
- Exodus 34: 6-7: "And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin..."NIV
It may be a little scary to think about trusting God as a father if you haven't had one here on earth. I'm here to tell you, God is exactly who He says He is. He is exactly the kind of Father you need! For those of you that experience this Praise God! For those of you that struggle, dare to let Him be your Father! I did. Best decision I ever made! He is the Best Dad Ever!
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