It's not that I don't want to follow God. I do, of course, that is my constant companion in thought lately. I just don't like the word obedience. It gives the connotation of a father standing over you staring saying "you better obey, or else" I'm sure many of you know what I mean.
We want to believe God is this benevolent father that gives us what we want and is never cross. God loves us beyond measure, and that is exactly why He isn't like that. He wants us to have the really good stuff! A life of discipline and freedom from the entanglements of this world and devils schemes. And this means sometimes, He allows tough times and creates situations that make us struggle and draw us to reach for Him.
So I'm driving through construction this morning and the obedience thing popped up in my head in regards to hearing God. I struggle to know sometimes when God speaks to me. But i think God is trying to teach me that I will not have the kind of communication I want with Him if I don't obey Him when He speaks and tells me I need to do something.
There are a couple things God has kind of put on my heart lately. The big one is to apologize to this one person that I had and argument with over a year and a half ago. I keep trying to renegotiate with God telling Him its been too long, is it really necessary, and the fear that it will just stir the pot and cause more drama. God keeps nudging me and pressing me anyway.
I'm usually able to suck it up and apologize to people, but this situation is little different. This person is the kind of person that does not hear what someone else says, and is more upset that you said anything about the problem. Needless to say, I was very hurt and they pretended in public everything was fine, but was totally different on the phone and in their email response. I know I didn't communicate in the best way to this person initially, but I feel they didn't even try and understand.
I worry I will try and apologize and they with just lash back out at me for saying anything and I will be hurt again. But God keeps nudging me. They may never be sorry for how they treated me in return, but I was not right in how I communicated. I need to own up to that no matter what their response. It's like God is saying "You still have things you need to settle to get this road clear between us"
The Bible talks about Gods discipline and hardships that we face and how they help us to be more fruitful and grow in Him.
- Hebrews 12:5-6: "And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” NIV
- Hebrews 12: "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." NIV
God knows we have things in our hearts that are harmful if left alone. Just like a father sees their children doing things that are harmful to themselves and others, limits their relationship with their father. When the child learns to obey then the relationship with the father is more a quality and with less strife. Its like getting to go get ice cream rather than being grounded in your room :)
Is there something lately God has been nudging you about? Maybe making something right between you and friend, or giving up a bad habit that hogs your time? Don't you want to hear our loving God more in your life? Lets not loose heart, but bear under God's disciple and learn to follow Him even when He asks us to do things that are hard. He will help clear the road and draw us into a closer walk with Him!
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