Mrs. Almighty

My best friend had her baby on the 23rd!  I'm very happy for her! Her little guy is super cute and her husband is beaming with pride! I look at the picture of her little one and there is a little ache in the back of my heart, because I long for a little one too to call my own and husband that beams with pride.  But instead of this feeling overwhelming me this time and loosing myself in sorrow for a couple days.....Which normally happens..... I weathered it well thanks to God!  

Feeling sad and taking some time to grieve disappointment on my own would be normal and fine.  It is understandable that a woman almost 40 that has not found these things and wanted them since she was old enough to dream it, would be sad and struggle watching all her friends get them.  It's not that I don't struggle.  But my God is lifting me up, and that is becoming more and more outweighing the disappointment of not getting my dreams in this world.  

One time my friend from church texted me. "Aren't you so glad God is your husband"  I very nicely said to her that this was I hard thing to swallow as a single and I didn't know how to answer that question.  She is married with kids and was, I'm sure just trying to be encouraging.  She doesn't really have a concept of the pain that a single woman my age goes through.  I love her dearly and grateful she was trying to help, but I just couldn't swallow that text.

Sometimes the Holiday's can be hard for singles.  At least maybe ones like me that aren't very extroverted.  Mainly because everyone draws close to family an their significant others and belong to someone.  Of course there is parents and brother's and sisters, but this age (almost 40) most people have their own families (husband kids etc)  This can make it feel lonely for those of us that haven't gotten there yet.  

This year has been a little different, for the despite the ache in the back of my heart, I read these verses the very next day.

Isaiah 54:1-5

"“Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the Lord.
 “Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
 For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.
 “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
 For your Maker is your husband —
the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth."  NIV

My heart was so moved....... And for once I realized for the first time that I could truly say with my whole heart "Amen" to the fact my Maker was my husband.  I have begun to realize through this journey with God, over the last 2 years, that God blesses me with many kids around me and not just literal kids (nieces and nephews) but other kids of faith to shower love on.  

So OF COURSE enlarge my tent and lengthen the cords and strengthen my stakes!  Multiply community and grow the kids of God in faith!  

I'm sure there are many ways these verses could speak to this and many other things, but for me this day, it gave me comfort and spoke directly to my heart.   

So I texted my friend that had less than a year ago texted me about God being my husband and told her that I finally could say "Amen".   My dear sweet friend texted me back "Then according to Isaiah you are Mrs. Almighty!" Tears streamed down my face and my heart filled with the warmth of love from My Husband, savior, and redeemer.  How right she is.  How special it is!

I hope in some way that this encourages those of you out there that can relate to these feelings.  We may be barren, according to the world, left with nothing of our own as per this earth standards.  The reality is we can be more fruitful and have more kids than we could ever give birth to, and have a husband so proud of us we get to be Mrs. Almighty!  Almighty in Him! Our Redeemer the God of All the Earth!.  

So hang in there my sisters and look to Him! Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. He will make you His pride and joy and multiple your gifts and kids over and over!  So Sing, Burst into Song, Shout for Joy, and do not hold back!  The Lord will bless!  

Love to you!

Kori