Here is another pic from my vacation. :) Beautiful town next to the lake and mountains! Sorry for my feet in the corner :) I kind of got on this habit of taking pics of my feet on vacation. I don't know whether it is because it gives a sense of someone relaxing in this beautiful view or if it is me trying to convince myself that I belong here in this landscape.
This trip was so fun! I enjoyed the time with my friend immensely! Looking at this picture is wonderful, but also speaks to me a little about my sense of belonging.
I know it may not be the perfect thing to say, but I really struggle with a sense of belonging. And as a single this can get more acute with age. As friends find spouses, have kids, and move forward to different stages in their lives, it can feel like that sense of belonging melts away. With my family still at odds with each other, for me, this intensifies this feeling.
Sometimes, I feel I am always the one looking in on others lives. Like I'm looking in windows at Christmas time. Everyone is inside enjoying the warmth and connection with belonging, and I am stuck outside. I'm invited in sometimes, but I still don't live there, I still have to walk home in the cold.
Yes, yes... that was very sad and full of self pity. I promised to be honest. I do feel this way sometimes. I have my days where I feel good and it doesn't bother me and days where it really gets me down. I wouldn't be human if I didn't feel some struggle and sadness in this sinful world. I am finding more connection here and there and God blesses. But it is still a part of being single that can really hurt sometimes.
Coming back from such a great trip, where I'm with my dearest friend, that is like a sister to me, I always have a little after vacation blues. We have such a great time and she feels like family. For that space and time, I belong. Then reality of life sets in and I'm thrust back out into the cold breezes of the trials in my life and its hard not to get stuck feeling sorry for myself.
The thing is, I know my loving God. He sees my pain and knows what it is like to be alone, and rejected even by His own people. In the book of Mark right after He calls the 12 disciples, His family comes to take Him away and says He is crazy. And in Luke 4, His town and His church/synagogue rejects Him and wants to kill Him. Then even His disciples the night before His arrest can't even stay awake in His time of need and proceed the next day to scatter and deny Him.
No I am by no means Jesus, I'm just saying, He understands way more than I give Him credit for. In fact, compared to Him, I have it pretty good. I'm not condemned for feeling bad sometimes, God understands, and He gives us what we need to make it through. It may not be in the way we want, but He always makes a way for us to find comfort in Him.
This pain helps me see others in the same boat and draws me to reach out and hopeful encourage someone else dealing with the same feelings. This pain helps me seek God more with all my heart and lean on Him. It allows Him to pour is love out into my heart to heal me and in turn pour that love out to others.
This weekend has been hard, and a little lonely, my family is out doing their own things this weekend. But one of my friends a few nights ago spontaneously wanted to go to dinner with me, church member wanted to pray with me, and I got to talk to my sweet friend from overseas who greatly loves and encourages me in this single walk I have been given in this time of my life. She loves me even when I sit and cry through half our skype time. :)
So yeah, I struggle to feel like I belong, but it gets easier as I let God in and look to Him to define my life. He has given me so many beautiful people and things in my life to be thankful for. The devil wants me to get stuck believing I'm no good and I don't belong. But God reminds me through my friends and His word, that I do belong in His family, He has a plan for me, and He sees my pain.
- 1 John 3:1 : " See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! ..." NIV
- Hebrew 4:15-16 : " For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are —yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need" NIV
- Jeremiah 29: 11-13: " For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" NIV
Take hope my single friends! We are not forgotten! Even though the road is not easy and it is really hard sometimes. God see's our pain and reminds us He loves and has a plan for us. Don't give in to believing you are worthless and left behind. Each one of us is worth one whole Jesus! We are His kids and He will help each one of us in our time of need if we just keep our eyes on Him.
So maybe my shoes do belong in the picture :) and yours too! Hugs
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