Confession and a Bulldozer

So a subject that has been on my mind a lot lately is confession.  Mainly for how it keeps the road more clear between me and God.  It allows me to be in better communion with Him and hear Him more speaking in my life. 

This concept of confession did not dawn on me till just in the last couple years.  That confession is the key to the bulldozer that clears out the garbage between me and God. I'm not perfect at it all the time, but I do see as I take time daily to reflect and lay in front of God the things that come to me where I had a bad attitude toward someone or got impatient or selfish, the road of communication becomes more clear.

The Bible tells us there are times when some people have been so full of sin that God fails to hear them.  Now I'm not sure that it refers to the literal sense of hearing or more that God does not give them what they want because their hearts aren't right with Him. They don't confess and repent, they just want relief from their suffering. 

• Isaiah 59:1-2 - "Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save,
  nor his ear too dull to hear.
   But your iniquities have separated
  you from your God;
  your sins have hidden his face from you,
  so that he will not hear." NIV

David in psalms also talks about his state before confession to God and what God did when he did confess.

• Psalms 32:3-5 - "When I kept silent,
  my bones wasted away
  through my groaning all day long.
   For day and night
  your hand was heavy on me;
  my strength was sapped
  as in the heat of summer.
   Then I acknowledged my sin to you
  and did not cover up my iniquity.
  I said, “I will confess
  my transgressions to the Lord.”
  And you forgave
  the guilt of my sin."NIV

The beautiful thing about God is if we confess, He forgives us and cleanses us from everything! 

•  1 John 1:9 - "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" NIV 

And when we do this, His eyes are on us and He hears us!

•  1 Peter 3:12 - "For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
  and his ears are attentive to their prayer,....." NIV

 I know this is a lot of verses but such an important key to our communication with God and having it healthy and working right.

God wants to show us and teach us sooooooo much! Why not take the time every day to ask God to reveal to us what we should confess. Then God can get out the bulldozer of forgiveness clear the path and cleans us opening better communication. Wouldn't we all benefit from hearing God more in our life?  You have only sins to lose and forgiveness and whole lot of awesome to gain! :)

Titanic, Wake Up!

So I have recently been contemplating our world.  All the pain and suffering and death and brutality.  Our world is a huge mess.  On some days I think a lot of us say to ourselves "what is this world coming to?" (Kinda sound a little old reading that back to myself) :) But lets face it, its true, right?  Some day's I feel like we are on the Titanic.

Well, honestly we are aren't we?  Jesus even tells His disciples the end of time and the world as we know it was going to come to and end. Jesus told them the world was going to get worse before He comes back again.

• Mark 13:7-8 - "When you hear of wars and rumors of wars, do not be alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains" NIV

These terrible events we are seeing more and more in the news, are signs that the end of time is coming. This ship is going down.  This earth full of sin is getting more and more wicked and people care less and less for each other.  This is the result of sin in the world.

To some this idea may be a little extreme, but I challenge you to read the Bible and look for yourself about what Jesus says.  Ask the Holy Spirit give you discernment on these things.  And I know He will.

Time is running short.  And just like the people on the Titanic so many of us are Asleep!  Even many Christians are Asleep!  We have taken comfort in our 1st world countries and all of the conveniences of life, and let them become idols and lull our brains and hearts to sleep!  We don't even know how to hear God anymore.

I am as much to blame for falling asleep for years. I went to church feeling I was doing fine because at least I did my best to do good.  But my heart was dead.  I had no life in it.  I still was thinking only of my selfish desires in this world and never really able to find any kind of meaning or peace in my life.  I would vacillate between feeling emptiness, fear, anxiety, and depression.  There was always this thought, "I'm supposed to be happy because I'm a Christian" but inside, I was completely apathetic. I tried to use the worlds momentary things try and fill the God sized hole in my heart.  It never worked.  Mean while, everyone around me is perishing and getting sucked in too.

I'm not perfect and won't be till heaven, but I'm happy to say God is waking me up!  So I'm pleading with you!  Wake up!  This ship is going down!  How many horrible things in this world have to happen before we see that we don't have much time left.  Do we wait till people start getting beheaded in our country before we do something?  In our state?  In our town?!  Do we not see that we need to get serious about our walk with God!

God is calling us and pleading with us!  Even as Paul does to the Ephesians.

• Ephesians 5:14 - "   This is why it is said:
  “Wake up, sleeper,
  rise from the dead,
  and Christ will shine on you.”NIV

Revelation also speaks of waking up and what happens if we don't.

• Revelation 3:2-3 -  "Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have found your deeds unfinished in the sight of my God.
   Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; hold it fast, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you" NIV

Jesus even gives a parable about this as well of the ten virgins in Matthew 25:1-13.

Will We open our eyes?!  Will we see the signs right in front of us? Or will we, especially us a professed 1st world Christians, sit in our high level comfy cabins say "Oh, We're fine there is nothing wrong."  as the water is at our door and our neighbors are drowning!

Again, I know to some of you this may seem extreme. But again I challenge you.  If you claim to be a Christian, when will you get serious about your walk with God? I mean serious.  Like pressed in to Jesus seeking Him night and day.  God does not call us to live "all things in moderation."  God calls us to be SOLD OUT, FULL THROTTLE, ALL IN for Him EVERY DAY!

When will we fully surrender to Him and focus on Him rather than our ipads, phones, tv's , and video games, selfishness, other peoples opinions about us, etc..... you fill in the blank.  If we keep our heads buried in these things, and not turn our eyes and hearts toward God, we will drowned and go down with the ship!

God is knocking at our hearts, I know some of you feel it.  Don't ignore it!  God is calling you! Wake up! Surrender to Him and let Him into your Heart! Focus on Jesus and let Him transform you and the people in your life for Him! Before it's too late.

I pray for everyone that is reading this that your heart is stirred and you have the courage to wake up and surrender, All IN for Jesus our Loving Lord and Savior, to reach the world for HIM!  Amen!

More Light!

Happy Friday!  I love Friday because it means the Sabbath is coming. A day of rest to learn more about God and connect with other Christians. :)

I am reading in Luke right now and came upon these verses that I have read over and over but this morning really spoke to me.  

• Luke 11:33-36 -  "“No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light. Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, your body also is full of darkness. See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be just as full of light as when a lamp shines its light on you" NIV

Over the last couple years I have been more and more convicted that I need to be careful what I watch.  Mainly cause I'm such a visual person.  My favorite way of imbibing information is through video/TV/movies.  But I realize these things also stay with me after I watch them and either bring good or bad things to my mind. 

As a kid I could not watch anything that was remotely scary because I would go to bed scared and having bad dreams.  I had a hard time washing those images from my mind and it totally affected me.  Even in college my psychology professor made it mandatory to  watch the movie Sybil and I couldn't hardly sleep for 3 nights without nightmares.

I know I may be a little extreme when it comes to sensitivity to visual stimuli.  But these verses ring true.  The eyes are the lamp of your body.  What we ingest through our eyes gives us light or darkness. 

Murder mysteries are one of my favorite things to watch on TV.  I love the problem solving nature of the show figuring out who did it.  However, I realized more and more these shows are about dark things.  Yes they are wrapped up in a pretty package of cool characters out for justice or at least mostly justice.  But at the core it is all about Murder.

This is just one example of something that can add darkness to us. And if I offend you with that example, that was not my intention.  But shouldn't we consider these things?  The devil is really good at packaging things up to look good and seem like good things.  He is good by adding just enough truth to something that we justify it as good.  What little things we let in wrapped in a pretty bow may be the very things that pull us away from God and dull us from hearing Him.

So these verses hit hard this morning and make me realize even more that what I am taking in with my eyes bring light or darkness.  I want a light so bright that is shines up the path in front of me to my loving savior!  Don't you?  Are you feeling yucky and unhealthy and struggling to see God in your life?  Fill your eyes with good healthy things of God's beauty, goodness, love, and mercy and see how your whole view changes and the life it brings to your heart!  Lets resolve together to let in more light! :)

Blessings

Kori   

"Choose Me"

Greetings!  I have new assignment right now for my job that is requiring longer drive and it is taking up more time than I'm used to.  So apologies for lack of posts lately.  One good thing about the long drives is it means I can pray more on the way to work, talk with God, and I love this.  I have been longing to hear God more in my life and these long drives help because there is little else to do when you have nearly 3 hours on the road.

John 15 has been stuck in my mind lately.  It is easy for me to get frustrated with where I am at in my life and feel like I'm not doing enough.  I think this is why God keeps pushing John 15 into my head.  It is all about abiding in Him.  Just being with Jesus and letting go of everything else in our lives. 

This is so hard for me and probably for many of us.  I'm a people pleaser, control freak, DYI'er :)  Being single for so long kinda makes you that way, but I have major genetic disposition to be this way as well along with my sinful selfish nature to boot.  I seek the praise of others and get caught up in that sometimes rather than just sitting at the feet of Jesus and looking to Him for His thoughts and connection.

One of the verses that has been sticking out to me is this one, the last part of John 15:5.

• ".......apart from me you can do nothing" NIV

God has given me gifts and talents like He does all of us.  Sometimes He gives us a glimpse of what those talents and gifts could be in the long haul.  I think He does this to help grow our desire for Him and to grow our passion to reach others. Which are all good things.  Being that I want to impress deep down in the selfish part of me, I sometimes take these glimpses and become so excited I'm like a wild horse at the races.  I just want to run!

Do you know what a wild horse at the races will do? Probably destroy a lot of things and maybe cause some injuries.  Why? Because it isn't disciplined to run the race.  Oh no question it can run, but it has no idea how to do it effectively to win the race. I forget that in order to get from point A-Z there is a whole lot of other steps that need to happen.  Hence the fact I think God keeps putting these verses in my face.

John 15 draws me, because I want to bare fruit, be a light for Him.  But the 2 key points is that I can do NOTHING by myself....And I have to ABIDE in Him. Overall the concept is simple, but the doing it is hard.  Not because God makes it hard.  I make it hard! This whole thing is about choosing to look to Jesus in every moment of our day.  This is literally the only thing we have... choice. 

What do I mean?.... Choosing to look at Jesus in every situation and every task of the day and struggle we face. There is a spiritual battle going on around us, a fight for our heart.  And the one thing we have is choice. We can choose to get caught up in what things are going on around us, the praise we seek, the things we think are right..... or we can choose to look to Jesus in everything. 

This may seem a little cliche to some.  And we may even think to ourselves  "Of course I choose Jesus!" We may even feel we are on fire for Him and running with all our might. But are we really focused on Him or our own plans?  This is definitely me more times than not.  But God keeps reminding me "you can do nothing apart from me"  "Abide in Me.... Look to Me... Chose Me... in every moment of the day" "I will show you every step to Z" "focus on me every minute you are with your patients" "Look to me when you get frustrated with your day" "Turn to me when your heart hurts over disappointments" "Abide and chose Me before everything." 

And with all of that what does He promise us?..... Read the list in John 15.  Anything you ask He will grant, you will bare much fruit, friendship, Love, and Joy complete. Everything our hearts could long for!

So I guess in my long drives with the long stretch of road a head of me, He is teaching me. He is whispering to my heart these things to choose and look to Him every moment of everyday.  What a Loving Savior! He says "Quit making it so hard! Rest in me! And you will produce more fruit than you can even imagine! Just choose Me."

How is God calling your heart to abide and choose Him lately? Every minute of everyday He has things to share with us if we just choose and look to Him.  What burdens would you be free of? What freedom could you find letting go of everything and just focusing on Him? Lets do it together! It's going to be amazing!

Every Good Gift is for You!

This season is soooooooo busy, and for me,  this year is even more so because I'm driving farther to work than usual.  So this is  why I haven't blogged for a week or so.  But along with that, I have had a big storm in my life as well. 

Those of you that have read my blog from the beginning, know that there is a big rift in my family.  Two sides that, over something small, have been at odds for almost 2 years.  This makes the Holiday's harder for me being in the middle trying to be family to both sides.  This combined with a huge communication problem at work has consumed my thinking over the last week and a half.  

Sometimes when I get my head wrapped around some things, it is so hard to let go of them.  I'm a problem solver by nature and long for harmony, so I get trapped sometimes in circular thinking of conversations and words that could be said or things to do to bring back balance.  Sometimes they are good ideas and sometimes they are not because they come out of a place of anger and frustration. 

Both work and family things, I brought before God and asked for answers of what I should say or if I should say anything.  I desperately wanted God to write in the sky for me.  Now in saying this, whether I want to admit it or not at the moment, there is another part of me that secretly hopes God doesn't answer so I can do what I want to do.  However, in the past I have made that mistake and had everything blow up severely in my face and destroy relationships.  So I'm learning but the waiting is miserable sometimes and I start feeling that God has forgotten me.

I was feeling so much this way.  I wanted God's answer and to hear Him telling me the best way to go.  The work situation I kind of waited and then took over some. Part way through, I begged God to help.  It worked out but went rough.  And the family one,  God never gave me the green light to speak and I waited in agony feeling awful, trying to not loose faith in His love and desire to speak to me.  

Sometimes in situations like these I am so blinded!  He was speaking to me all along trying to show me He was there.  Someone that I rarely talk to texted me and told me they missed me, one of my pt.'s looked right at me and told me I was so pretty, others at church that I normally don't talk with that often, came to talk with me.  All these things, signs, God mobilizing the world around me to reach me in my pain.  Then last night, I learned the very family member I wanted to talk to was already making an effort to mend fences in the family!  Without any word or effort on my part, God working.

How easily I forget..... but I'm learning..... Every Good and Perfect Gift is from God!

•  James 1:17 - " Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows" NIV

Everyone that opens the door for you, everyone that smiles at you, everyone that lets you merge in crazy traffic, every flower, every hug, every warm bed and cup of coffee, heartwarming tune.....ALL of it!  Is God taking a moment to whisper He loves you and has not forgotten you!  

He does not say to us "I love you today..... but don't know about tomorrow"  He does not change in His affection for us!  The devil tries to make us believe those lies, with the struggles on this earth, but God does not change.  And Every Good Thing is a direct message of Love to YOU from Him!  He is Always Faithful! Even when answers don't seem clear, there are signs He is there.

So I hope this Christmas you will look around you and see with your heart how much God loves you and is telling YOU, through Every Good and Perfect Gift He gives you this season and always! 

God Bless :) 

And God Be Forever Praised for all He gives and has given!

Kori

Counterfeit or the Real Thing?

So I have been thinking a lot lately about how we as Christians can see and hear God better.  Mainly because I struggle to know I hear God sometimes especially when it relates to others.  An example would be knowing when to ask someone about their walk with God or if they know Jesus. It is easier for me to think I hear God when it relates to Him encouraging me.  

This world is so distracting.  Our environment is flooded with noise everywhere.  There is constant vying for our attention from someone.  The radio, TV, movies, advertizements, news.... a never ending stream of entertainment and information thrown at us.  

Over time my longing to be used by God goes up.  However, I feel this tension in me where the desire is there but because I don't really know when God is speaking sometimes. I feel at a loss.  I feel I miss opportunities to share Jesus.  I don't want to fall back into old habits and patterns.  I want to get more and more in tune so when God says move, I move, and when He says speak, I speak, and when He says Go, I go without hesitation because I know his voice.  I don't want to stay stuck in this land of doing what I think is right and comfortable for me. 

How do we hear Him better?  How do we know when it is someone else or our own sinful nature taking over telling us what we should do?

Well, driving to work the other day I started thinking about my cousin and how she used to work for a bank.  If I remember correctly, my aunt was saying that part of her training was to learn how to recognize counterfeit money.  I was intrigued so I asked more of how she learns this.  My aunt said she thought it was interesting because they never had her focus on the possible examples of counterfeit bills, they only had her focus on the real thing.  By spending time focused on the real bills after a while when a fake one came through she could tell just by the feel of the bill because she was so in tune with the real thing. 

Then the verse  in Philippians came to to mind. 

• Philippians 4:8 - "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things" NIV

These things spoke to me.  What I focus on helps me to know when it is God and when it is something else. In this world it is hard to do this and I struggle quite a bit to break free of things that are not part of the above list in Philippians.  If I fill my mind with things not good like the list of entertainment full of stories and songs of death, betrayal, and all other things, how do I hear God?  Of course I get confused and don't know whether i hear God.

By considering this, there are probably some hard decisions and sacrifices I have to make to really do this.  If I do only what is comfortable in my walk with God, is it really walking with God? God is saying "Lets clear the path between us so we can communicate better"  "I have so much to tell you and show you" " Let me help to remove this clutter so you can hear me"

Honestly..... I'm afraid of letting  go of some of these things.  I lean on them to feel comfortable.  But I see how they eat away at my relationship with God and keep me from really hearing Him in the crucial moments sometimes.  But I don't want to get stuck.... I want to keep moving forward with God.

Now is the time to really trust and let go and focus on the Real Thing so I know what is counterfeit.  I need to get serious.... This is not a game.... this is about God saving lives working through me.

Are we ready.... are we focused on the Real and Only True God? Are we filling our minds and spirits with Good, Noble , Lovely, Admirable things or do we let our desires run free to gobble up whatever feels good at the moment?  All those things will eventually destroy us!  Do you hear me?  Destroy us from the inside out to the point we can no longer hear our loving Savior.

It is not easy to let go of these things but guess what?..... If we call on Him, He can pull us out and help us focus on Him.  He is our strength.  Look to Him! Choose Him! Ask Him to free you!

God Bless and Free us all to hear Him more in our lives Amen!



 

Instructs Even the Sinner

God never waits for us to be perfect

to lead us.

Such a beautiful verse!

Psalms 25:8-9 

"Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
 He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way" NIV

Grounded or Ice Cream?

Woke up this morning in a little bit of a funk.  Just feeling off, like in a haze.  Been just having a rough week, longing for healing in my family, feeling my singleness more this week, drowning in a fog.  I have been longing to understand more about hearing Gods voice.  Then with worship and in my prayer time to work I felt the word obedience come to mind.  Ouch!  :) I just cringe at that word.

It's not that I don't want to follow God.  I do, of course, that is my constant companion in thought lately.  I just don't like the word obedience.  It gives the connotation of a father standing over you staring saying "you better obey, or else"  I'm sure many of you know what I mean.

We want to believe God is this benevolent father that gives us what we want and is never cross.  God loves us beyond measure, and that is exactly why He isn't like that.  He wants us to have the really good stuff! A life of discipline and freedom from the entanglements of this world and devils schemes. And this means sometimes, He allows tough times and creates situations that make us struggle and draw us to reach for Him.

So I'm driving through construction  this morning and the obedience thing popped up in my head in regards to hearing God.  I struggle to know sometimes when God speaks to me.  But i think God is trying to teach me that I will not have the kind of communication I want with Him if I don't obey Him when He speaks and tells me I need to do something.

There are a couple things God has kind of put on my heart lately.  The big one is to apologize to this one person that I had and argument with over a year and a half ago. I keep trying to renegotiate with God telling Him its been too long, is it really necessary, and the fear that it will just stir the pot and cause more drama. God keeps nudging me and pressing me anyway.

I'm usually able to suck it up and apologize to people, but this situation is little different.  This person is the kind of person that does not hear what someone else says, and is more upset that you said anything about  the problem.  Needless to say, I was very hurt and they pretended in public everything was fine, but was totally different on the phone and in their email response.  I know I didn't communicate in the best way to this person initially, but I feel they didn't even try and understand.

I worry I will try and apologize and they with just lash back out at me for saying anything and I will be hurt again.  But God keeps nudging me.  They may never be sorry for how they treated me in return, but I was not right in how I communicated. I need to own up to that no matter what their response.  It's like God is saying "You still have things you need to settle to get this road clear between us"

The Bible talks about Gods discipline and hardships that we face and how they help us to be more fruitful and grow in Him.

• Hebrews 12:5-6: "And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” NIV
• Hebrews 12: "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." NIV

As I felt God nudging me about this, I realized if I really wanted to have the path more clear between me and God, and that I had to bear up under this discipline and obey.  I feel God's peace wash over me today and the road get clearer as I make my decision to obey my heavenly father.

God knows we have things in our hearts that are harmful if left alone.  Just like a father sees their children doing things that are harmful to themselves and others, limits their relationship with their father.  When the child learns to obey then the relationship with the father is more a quality and with less strife.  Its like getting to go get ice cream rather than being grounded in your room :) 

Is there something lately God has been nudging you about?  Maybe making something right between you and friend, or giving up a bad habit that hogs your time?  Don't you want to hear our loving God more in your life? Lets not loose heart, but bear under God's disciple and learn to follow Him even when He asks us to do things that are hard.  He will help clear the road and draw us into a closer walk with Him!

The Journey is SO Worth it!

Reading this Restless book is really stirring stuff up in me.  I'm to the part where, it asks you to Journal about your past.  It asks in different ages, what things did you enjoy and were proud of.  And then memories during those ages that brought suffering or pain.

Honestly, I really don't like to answer stuff like that.  My childhood had some good times for sure.  It wasn't all bad, but there are many memories that are very painful. I have a hard time deciphering the good stuff through the bad.  It's almost like my brain tries to forget I even have a past it is so compartmentalized.

I wrote some stuff down about loving to roller skate and ride my bike, singing, helping my grandpa with the cows etc.  I haven't got to the painful suffering stuff yet.  I thought about this all the way to work and all the way home trying to figure out how this is going to help me find my personal mission/calling.

So I guess I might have to dive back into these past hurts to find more of what God might have planned for me as a mission.  I wrestle with this, but as I was driving home tonight a good example came to me for why this process is necessary.

I love back packing!  I don't get to do it much, but I love it! If I found someone that liked to go regularly, I would be, right now, out in my garage dragging out my gear getting ready. :)  You know why I love it so much?  The challenge of the journey!  I love getting to the top of the mountain, or around here where I live now, the hill :) However, without the journey the top of the mountain, waterfall, or wherever, would loose some satisfaction for me.

Why? because it's not just about getting to the destination, it is about everything in the middle to get there that gives meaning to the destination.  Its the talking with your friends on the trail, making your food over a fire, braving the elements together, having everything you need right on your back.  This is what makes the trip so great.  The destination is just the cherry on top.

Now, its not that the trip is all grand and happy.  You are going to sweat, climb, scrap knees or elbows, get wet, step in mud. It's not all blue skies and roses, but thinking about the goal spurs you on, and there is always some fun along the way and new discoveries.

You could take a helicopter ride to the top of the mountain or location, it might even be nice, but something is lost because there was no journey or fight to get there. There is definitely a different feeling when you reach the top of the mountain or destination with sweat running down your face, legs tired, and mud smeared on your boots. That is a way better feeling of pride in satisfaction :) not easy, but SO worth it!

So I began to understand a little more this journey of finding my personal mission that God has planted in me.  Some of my journey has been pretty painful, but it may be the very key to helping me find what I'm really looking for. If He just told me what to do it would be too easy, and I would miss the discoveries and experiences that help me to really own it, be passionate about it, and truly value the journey to help someone else.

What experiences have you had that have caused you suffering or pain? Maybe there is a jewel in there waiting for you to discover.  How does this pain point you toward finding passion to help someone else?  Remember, the journey is worth it! Pray about it God will show you :)

Restless? Trust

Another beautiful day in the mid-west! As I sit in my little house here and enjoy the sound of the breeze outside, I feel restless.  It has been building in me all week. God has His ways of moving us into different places in our lives to teach us new things. 

I hate feeling restless.  Why do I feel restless? I think it its because I don't feel I'm doing enough.  I long to show others what I found in God and I really don't know how to go about it.  That may sound totally silly to some of you, but it is how I feel. 

There has been many a person I have seen in my life time try and shove God down someone's throat, or try reaching people in very denominationally  orientated way.  I really want to be a Christian first and foremost, not my denomination. I also want to be real and authentic, not focused on what my denomination thinks I should. 

A life changed by God, in my thinking, should be one fruitful. One that helps points others toward God and helps others give their hearts to God in a culturally relevant and loving way.  I am sorry to say that in all my lifetime of being in the church, I have not helped someone make a decision for God.  Now, I know God works in mysterious and wonderful ways, and maybe someone that I don't know, through something I said or did, turned their eyes toward God.  If they did, Praise God!  But I have not personally helped anyone come to Christ. 

I recently shared my story with people and encouraged someone to give their heart to God.  But nothing yet.  So it isn't that I'm doing nothing, but I struggle to know if I'm going about this in the right way.  Maybe I am, and I'm just impatient. 

I also feel my mission is not clear.  It is clear in the general way, share Jesus and make disciples. But every Christian's gifts and talents are not the same and God calls people to reach others in many different ways.  I struggle to know what that is for me.  I want focus.  I long to talk to someone about this, find a mentor, but I just don't know how to go about that either.  Maybe I am meant to struggle like this and figure this out with God alone. Whatever the case, restlessness is definitely my problem right now. :)

So of course reading a book with the title Restless by Jennie Allen appeals to me at the moment.  I hope to gain some nuggets of truth and maybe some signs to help direct my thinking on this for more clarity.  There is some journaling involved so that is good. 

God knows I hate this restlessness, but He uses it to motivate me and keep me from getting comfortable in my ruts. Lets face it when we decide to follow Christ and our heart changes,  we aren't of this world anymore.  It isn't our true home, our home is with God. 
Like a song we used to sing at summer camp, which I now know is the Jim Reeves version. (my Grandfather would be proud :) he loved Jim Reeves)

•  This world is not my home
  I'm just a-passing through
  My treasures are laid up
  Somewhere beyond the blue.
  
  The angels beckon me
  From heaven's open door
  And I can't feel at home
  In this world anymore.
  
  Oh Lord, you know
  I have no friend like you
  If heaven's not my home
  Then Lord what will I do.
  
  The angels beckon me
  From heaven's open door
  And I can't feel at home
  In this world anymore.

When God starts calling us and claims our heart, we don't feel at home anymore here in this world.  We long to be with Him, because we are now His kids.  But we also know that others on this planet need to know Him too, and that God longs save everyone He can from the destruction of sin here on earth. Knowing this, of course we will feel restless.

All I know to do right now is trust Him. Just like Proverbs 3:5-6 says: 

• " Trust in the Lord with all your heart
  and lean not on your own understanding;
   in all your ways submit to him,
  and he will make your paths straight" NIV

God will make my paths straight if I just trust in Him even in this time of restlessness.

What are you restless about?  How can you trust Him more and let go of your own understanding or thoughts?

Restlessness doesn't always mean something is wrong, it may just mean God is calling us to Trust.  So on this beautiful afternoon, I remember my God, His unfailing love, and lean on Him and trust He will make my paths straight showing me the way at the right time.  
You can trust Him too! What have you got to lose?

Thirsty? Try the Living Water!

There is this place inside me.  A void that comes around with different circumstances.  I try and fill that void sometimes with other things that I know are not good. An example is movies or TV shows like I have said before.  Overall, I'm doing better with TV, but I still struggle with over eating sometimes.  I am a sucker for carbs., pasta especially.  This weekend there was a picnic and I had to bring pasta salad.  It didn't get all eaten and now it sits in my fridge and has been beckoning me all week.  The last 2 days have been ridiculously bad.

I am beginning to see that these bad habits I have are attached to emotional stuff. And definitely like last post,  ways that again that devil tries to get at me. I have things in my heart that need healing hidden way deep. Some of them I may not even be fully aware of. 

Those pains and hurts or even sins are thirsty to be soothed in one way or another.  And hands down, food and media are the 2 prefered ways I soothe them.  Instead of looking to God I instantly and even sometimes knowingly turn to these things for relief.  I can't stand that hollow feeling in my heart. 

Really it is God calling me to lean on Him rather than use the shot of Novocaine from food or TV.  He wants me to draw close to Him and spend time with Him and let Him heal the wound in me.  But a lot of times like a wounded animal I withdraw and let the wound fester more, slowly eating away at me.

I read a story in John this morning about the Samaritan women.  Jesus had been walking through Samaria and was tired and stopped at Jacob's well.  The Samaritan women came to draw water from the well and Jesus asked her for a drink.  Jews and Samaritans did not get along and she was pretty shocked He would even talk to her.  But Jesus was using it as an opportunity to bring new light and hope into her life.  She had had 5 husbands in the past and now a boyfriend.  Her life full of pain and sin, and Jesus knew this.  He saw the chance to give her what her heart really needed, Him and hope of the Messiah, not the multiple husbands she was trying to fill the void and thirst in her life.  Jesus speaks in John 4:13-14 and tells her how she can forever quench this thirst.

•  "Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” NIV

Instead of running from that hollow feeling and quickly trying to soothe or quench that thirst with the temporary, I should press into God. The God who longs to help heal this part of me and forever quench this thirst in my soul to be whole. 

I managed to fast through dinner tonight.  Not that I need to skip meals all the time, but it is a way that I could press into God and focus on Him.  I pray to Him to help me with this hollow feeling, reveal to me where its coming from, and conquer this crazy thirst to eat myself into a corner over it. 

So tonight a small victory of pressing into God and through His strength fighting the temptation. Fasting clears the mind to hear God better as well.  I need to remember this living water from God will spring up, forever quench my thirst, and bring eternal life welling up to overflowing.  It might take some time for full healing in this area of my life, but tonight is a testament that He is working and will make me whole.

When do you feel that hollow thirst and void? How do you try and temporarily numb it? Try leaning into God next time praying for healing and strength to fight the temptation to numb.  He will give you living water welling up to quench that thirst forever! 
 

Wait! Take Heart!

God is so Good! He gives me encouragement and helps me when I struggle! Yesterday was a tough day for me.  Not because the day itself was bad.  I didn't have any unwieldy patient, oh wait, I did, they laughed at me and told me not to sing but in the end we were friends. lol : ) Sometimes the ornery unwieldy ones are the best! But  overall there wasn't anything major that happened.  Just waiting on God is hard.

After, talking about God to a friend on Thursday, and things hanging in the balance not looking the best, I just struggled.  I long to have them know the love and the peace God can give in their situation.

Something, that I am learning very acutely with family relationships, is that when I chose to act, it has to come from a place of love, not of fear.  If I act in fear, when something happens, it will not go well and cause more destruction pouring gasoline on the fire.

Waiting on God is probably one of the hardest things for me.  Like I have said before, I'm a get up and go type of person. If something needs to get done many times, I'm like "let do this"  and I don't waste time and its done.  But God knows that timing matters! Like a a beautiful symphony.  If all the instruments played at once it would be a garbled mess.  The timing is everything!

So I waited yesterday and even now I wait and who knows how long I may still wait. Again faith is stepping forward even when you can't see the outcome.  I read this great Bible verse this morning that lifted me up and encourage me.  Luke 12:8

• “I tell you, whoever publicly acknowledges me before others, the Son of Man will also acknowledge before the angels of God"

It's like God is saying "It's okay you acknowledged me before another, that is what you are suppose to do, it will be okay"  So my God is so Good! He walks with me even through the unknown, and reminds me I am on the path with Him.  This means it will be okay no matter what.  We all need those reminders sometimes.

David encourage us in Psalms too about waiting.
It so beautiful and totally applies!
Psalms 27:13-14

• "I remain confident of this:
  I will see the goodness of the Lord
  in the land of the living.
   Wait for the Lord;
  be strong and take heart
  and wait for the Lord" NIV

God always know how to lift me up and carry me when I am weak and feel like my faith is failing.  He lovingly and gently reminds me, He is with me and so I have nothing to fear.  Even when it is pitch black, the winds blow stronger, and things look bad He is with me.  Honestly, it looks bad right now, but so did Jesus death to the disciples. It looked liked their world was coming to and end, but really it was the most beautiful gift their savior could have done for them and the world.  Out of that death came a hope and chance for life for ALL!

What storms are raging in your life? What thing in you life is God asking you to wait and trust Him?  Are you getting tired, do you feel the wind is blowing harder and it is getting worse?  BE STRONG! TAKE HEART! For you will see the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the living! Wait, because what looks like the end, can really be the start of a beautiful beginning!  

Not by Fear or by Sight, Only Faith

Right now there is so much on my mind.  I feel like God is trying to grow me in certain areas of my life and I'm hesitant or I totally want to push forward but don't know how and afraid of messing things up. When God said Go and make disciples that means talk to people and tell them about God.  With other Christians that comes easier but with non-Christians it is way harder.

Now I don't go around shoving God down peoples throats that's no way to share Jesus. But when something comes up in conversation with a non-Christian friend, to know what to do is the hard part for me.  I wish there was this bottle I could pour my experience or God's love or whatever it would take for someone to see God in it.  That way when people start talking to me about problems in their lives and struggles they face, I could just hand them the bottle and say "Drink this, this is the answer!" And they would instantly know God in their hearts.  Doesn't work that way though.  It is probably good, because we would take the experience of finding God for ourselves for granted.  It wouldn't be personal anymore.

It breaks my heart sometimes though watching others struggle when they don't have to, or go down a road that you know will only bring them more pain. 

Sometimes, when someone doesn't know much about God, it is hard to just say "Turn to God, or Have you thought about God?" Our society in some ways can be very skeptical and sarcastic about God.  And depending on the person, if brought up too soon, they can slam the door of friendship in your face.

So what do we do?  I do believe that God can show us when the time is right to share, through different signs if we are tuned in to Him.  Sometimes, people will prompt us to talk about it because of how we live life with Jesus, and that is easier too.  I do think there are times though when we feel a nudge from God and a door looks open and we have to step out in faith and trust that whatever happens God is with us.  Honestly, I am struggling with that right now. I promised in this blog I would be real, so I thought I'd just lay that out there. I stepped out in faith and I'm not sure what will come out of it. But i have to trust that God will work and is working even if things don't look promising right now.

2nd Corinthians 5:7 Says:  "For we live by faith, not by sight" NIV

I also love this song by Out Of The Grey: Walk by Faith

• I'm gonna walk by faith, not by sight
  'Cause I can't see straight in the broad daylight
  I'm gonna walk by faith, not by fear
  'Cause I believe in the One who brought me here

 I chose to trust that God's got my back and that it wasn't by coincidence that there was a conversation about Him. If God can part the red sea and change my heart He can move mountains in anyone's heart.

What is God asking you to step out in faith about? How can you live by Faith more in your life?  Let's remember together to walk by faith not by sight or fear or anything else, just believing in the loving father that brought us to know Him.

Noise turned to MayDay!

Happy May Day!  This is such a fun day I never new about until just in my adult life.  Apparently it is the day you are suppose to put a basket of flowers on your neighbor's porch and ring the door bell and run away. What fun!  No one really does it much  at least not where I have lived, but I think it is a super cool idea!

It makes me think of all the other fun and loving things we can do for our neighbors any time of year.  I'm one of the lucky ones that has some pretty nice and friendly neighbors.  One guy across the street comes over and helps me out with shoveling snow or one time cleaning my gutters.  Most of my street will at least smile and wave when I walk or drive down the street if they are in their yards.  It is nice to feel a sense of community.

With all the technology and techno gadgets we have people get more and more glued to their phones, tv's, or tablets that we barely socialize any more.  Even church can be bad, where people aren't really present in the service or paying attention to anything, but they are buried in their electronic stuff.  Sometimes it can look like a sea of zombies.

Not that this stuff is innately bad, but how do we even remotely hear God, when we have nothing but distraction?  We get up and turn on the news, listen to radio in the car to work, listen to the radio more at work, get back in our car for the same, and then home with tv or computer back on again till bed.  I know this isn't the first time you heard someone say this, but do we really get it?  Are we really awake?

As a Christian God calls us to multiply community, real, meaningful, face to face community and make disciples.
We are His hands and feet to the world. We can only do that if we are connected with Him.  If we are buried in a screen most of the time, then how do we even hear Him?

We will find more of what we really want outside of the screen than inside it.  I am discovering that in my own life. Even a year ago I didn't have much real connection time with anyone and my heart was suffering.  Then this family fight went down, and I felt nearly every last good thing was pulled out.

But over the last year, leaning into God and asking Him to change my heart to want Him more. My screen techno time goes down and my meaningful relationships go up.  I also, notice I'm more open to reaching random others, that were totally outside of my agenda, but obviously in God's.  The homeless man, and yesterday a girl grieving over her Grandmother dying.  Today a man in tears over missing his recently pasted wife. 

God's voice speaks and I feel a burning in my heart and I get to see Him work in peoples lives.  Maybe a May basket would turn a neighbor's day around. Maybe you love writing letters and it brightens a friend in need. Maybe you love to sew and you make something for elderly widow down the street.  We all have gifts God wants to use. But we have to clear out the noise of the world to hear His voice.

How can you shut down the noise to hear God more? & What can your May basket be to someone in need that you know?  You'll be the one left with the gift greater than you ever thought possible! Real Community and Communion with God.

Spring Cleaning and a Homeless Man

So recently at my church there was a prayer conference. A pastor that has made it his mission to learn more about prayer.  I really enjoyed it and learned so much.  I had already started praying on my drives to work, because it is such an easy time to talk to God.  I usually have a long commute most days, so it is perfect.

This pastor was talking about taking time to really clear the path between you and God in prayer, before going through your prayer list or requests.  He made the suggestion to open up to God and pray for forgiveness.  He stated it really changed His prayer life. He said it helped him hear God more and be driven more by the Holy Spirit when the need presents itself.

It really made sense to me. So I have been doing this.  I want to hear God's voice more, especially in the moment, so when God brings someone in my way to help, I'm totally tuned in and can be the help needed.  I'm sure there are times when I do something and never know if I helped someone or not but there are times that can give us a glimpse that we heard God, obeyed, and God blessed.

This week I had a day where I had prayed more about this.  And in the evening, I saw a guy just wandering behind a fast food restaurant.  He was walking in kind of a listless way and seemed a little off.  I hadn't planned on driving that direction but I saw this gentlemen. As I pulled near him, I just felt like I should ask if he was alright.  The guy looked at me and then in my car and said "actually I could use something to eat, could you spare a little"

Now this guy was in a part of town that is not at all homeless central.  Our little section of town is anything but.  He was walking back behind the restaurant not close to a street like most do to beg.  For a moment, I thought what am I doing? Then I looked into his eyes and realized, maybe I was suppose to be here for this guy right here right now.  So I pulled out my cash and gave it to him.  He graciously thanked me and bowed his head in a respectful nod and kept walking.

I know some people think you shouldn't give cash like that, because maybe it would feed a drinking habit.  I don't know about this guy. It might have.  Or it might have been a good thing especially when I think about the timing and circumstances. I hope that he was able to have a good meal that night and feel blessed.

Looking on it now I wonder if I could have done more or should have done something else, but maybe this was God's way of showing me how to listen and read the signs.  So I keep praying to clear the space between God and my heart so I can hear better.  Next time maybe I will know what more I can do, but I do feel it was a step closer to hearing God and being ready to serve.

So I guess looking at the prayer thing, it is kinda like spring cleaning only every day. It cleans the sins and junk of our lives so that it doesn't bog us down, cloud our vision, and jumble up communication with God.  It keeps the devil from getting that little edge to pull us away.  If we continue giving these things up to God, the devil looses his power over us and we are more free to hear God speak and have His Spirit poured out on us.

So God bless that homeless man out there.  I added him to my prayers. And I pray, I get better at hearing God to know how to do more when the moments come up like this one.  

Need some spring cleaning? Wanting to hear Him more? Or maybe you're feeling homeless? Ask God to cleanse you with His wonderful powerful forgiveness and feel Him wash over you, speak to you, and give you a home of peace in your heart.