I hate feeling restless. Why do I feel restless? I think it its because I don't feel I'm doing enough. I long to show others what I found in God and I really don't know how to go about it. That may sound totally silly to some of you, but it is how I feel.
There has been many a person I have seen in my life time try and shove God down someone's throat, or try reaching people in very denominationally orientated way. I really want to be a Christian first and foremost, not my denomination. I also want to be real and authentic, not focused on what my denomination thinks I should.
A life changed by God, in my thinking, should be one fruitful. One that helps points others toward God and helps others give their hearts to God in a culturally relevant and loving way. I am sorry to say that in all my lifetime of being in the church, I have not helped someone make a decision for God. Now, I know God works in mysterious and wonderful ways, and maybe someone that I don't know, through something I said or did, turned their eyes toward God. If they did, Praise God! But I have not personally helped anyone come to Christ.
I recently shared my story with people and encouraged someone to give their heart to God. But nothing yet. So it isn't that I'm doing nothing, but I struggle to know if I'm going about this in the right way. Maybe I am, and I'm just impatient.
I also feel my mission is not clear. It is clear in the general way, share Jesus and make disciples. But every Christian's gifts and talents are not the same and God calls people to reach others in many different ways. I struggle to know what that is for me. I want focus. I long to talk to someone about this, find a mentor, but I just don't know how to go about that either. Maybe I am meant to struggle like this and figure this out with God alone. Whatever the case, restlessness is definitely my problem right now. :)
So of course reading a book with the title Restless by Jennie Allen appeals to me at the moment. I hope to gain some nuggets of truth and maybe some signs to help direct my thinking on this for more clarity. There is some journaling involved so that is good.
God knows I hate this restlessness, but He uses it to motivate me and keep me from getting comfortable in my ruts. Lets face it when we decide to follow Christ and our heart changes, we aren't of this world anymore. It isn't our true home, our home is with God.
Like a song we used to sing at summer camp, which I now know is the Jim Reeves version. (my Grandfather would be proud :) he loved Jim Reeves)
- This world is not my home
I'm just a-passing through
My treasures are laid up
Somewhere beyond the blue.
The angels beckon me
From heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home
In this world anymore.
Oh Lord, you know
I have no friend like you
If heaven's not my home
Then Lord what will I do.
The angels beckon me
From heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home
In this world anymore.
All I know to do right now is trust Him. Just like Proverbs 3:5-6 says:
- " Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight" NIV
What are you restless about? How can you trust Him more and let go of your own understanding or thoughts?
Restlessness doesn't always mean something is wrong, it may just mean God is calling us to Trust. So on this beautiful afternoon, I remember my God, His unfailing love, and lean on Him and trust He will make my paths straight showing me the way at the right time.
You can trust Him too! What have you got to lose?
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