Confession and a Bulldozer

So a subject that has been on my mind a lot lately is confession.  Mainly for how it keeps the road more clear between me and God.  It allows me to be in better communion with Him and hear Him more speaking in my life. 

This concept of confession did not dawn on me till just in the last couple years.  That confession is the key to the bulldozer that clears out the garbage between me and God. I'm not perfect at it all the time, but I do see as I take time daily to reflect and lay in front of God the things that come to me where I had a bad attitude toward someone or got impatient or selfish, the road of communication becomes more clear.

The Bible tells us there are times when some people have been so full of sin that God fails to hear them.  Now I'm not sure that it refers to the literal sense of hearing or more that God does not give them what they want because their hearts aren't right with Him. They don't confess and repent, they just want relief from their suffering. 

• Isaiah 59:1-2 - "Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save,
  nor his ear too dull to hear.
   But your iniquities have separated
  you from your God;
  your sins have hidden his face from you,
  so that he will not hear." NIV

David in psalms also talks about his state before confession to God and what God did when he did confess.

• Psalms 32:3-5 - "When I kept silent,
  my bones wasted away
  through my groaning all day long.
   For day and night
  your hand was heavy on me;
  my strength was sapped
  as in the heat of summer.
   Then I acknowledged my sin to you
  and did not cover up my iniquity.
  I said, “I will confess
  my transgressions to the Lord.”
  And you forgave
  the guilt of my sin."NIV

The beautiful thing about God is if we confess, He forgives us and cleanses us from everything! 

•  1 John 1:9 - "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" NIV 

And when we do this, His eyes are on us and He hears us!

•  1 Peter 3:12 - "For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
  and his ears are attentive to their prayer,....." NIV

 I know this is a lot of verses but such an important key to our communication with God and having it healthy and working right.

God wants to show us and teach us sooooooo much! Why not take the time every day to ask God to reveal to us what we should confess. Then God can get out the bulldozer of forgiveness clear the path and cleans us opening better communication. Wouldn't we all benefit from hearing God more in our life?  You have only sins to lose and forgiveness and whole lot of awesome to gain! :)

Wings of a Grateful Heart :)

I was at work yesterday and my co-worker started just talking about God with me.  She is an amazing lady! We got on the topic of gratefulness.  She was saying she had some friends challenge her to do 7 days of thankful/gratefulness on facebook.  She said she thought it was interesting how hard it was a first, but good.

This whole conversation got me thinking about gratefulness in my life.  I look back to even a couple years ago and how different my life was.  And how many things I worried about and stressed over. Even as a kid my mom used to make comments about how I was little miss pessimistic.

Honestly, this world can be more than a little scary and painful.  It gets really hard sometimes to see all the things that God has blessed us with.  And the devil knows right where to try and blind side us so we loose focus on God.  Whether it is through just little things going wrong in the day to big things like family dysfunction or problems at work, it does not take long sometimes for me to feel like I get in a tailspin I can't seem to pull out of.

Back nearly 2 years ago when I totally surrendered to God, I see how my thoughts have started changing. In one of my earliest posts I wrote about God winks, good things that happen in the day, gifts from God. My one friend from work at the time had talked to me about this and given me the book on it.  I started writing down my God winks.  I would write down things like I got a discount on a shirt at target that was unexpected, a co-worker walked by and said I did a good job with a patient, or even that I saw a beautiful flower growing in my yard I hadn't noticed.

Soon these things begin to add up. I started in my prayers in the morning to God with things I was grateful for like my job, house, nice neighbors, beautiful sunrise, even my ornery little cat :)  Looking back I see how focusing on these things have transformed my spirit and my thoughts.  I'm ,more days than not, full of joy and wonder at how blessed I am!  I see more and more God working in my life and the lives of others around me.  The eyes of my heart are becoming more and more trained to find the  blessing and jewels in life instead of all the junk. 

Now, I'm by no means perfect in this. It took me 3+ weeks to get over my  recent vacation blues, and I have had many times over the last couple years where I have been sad because of certain things going on.  The interesting thing is that through those times I have a sense of hope because my heart is trained for gratefulness.

• Psalms 147: 7-11 : "Sing to the Lord with grateful praise; make music to our God on the harp.
   He covers the sky with clouds;
  he supplies the earth with rain
  and makes grass grow on the hills.
   He provides food for the cattle
  and for the young ravens when they call.
   His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse,
  nor his delight in the legs of the warrior;
   the Lord delights in those who fear him,
  who put their hope in his unfailing love" NIV

 God is SOOOOOO Good and He loves us so much!  Lift your eyes to see all the small and maybe even big things in the day that God gives!  From the roof over your head to the ornery little munchkin or mutt that welcomes you home at night :) Daily gratefulness to God can transform your life from the inside out!

So I love cows. So this was what I was grateful for this weekend. :)

Tiniest little baby cow I had ever seen!  Now how can that not make you smile :)

What things can you be grateful for? Let your spirit soar on the wings of a grateful heart!

The Journey is SO Worth it!

Reading this Restless book is really stirring stuff up in me.  I'm to the part where, it asks you to Journal about your past.  It asks in different ages, what things did you enjoy and were proud of.  And then memories during those ages that brought suffering or pain.

Honestly, I really don't like to answer stuff like that.  My childhood had some good times for sure.  It wasn't all bad, but there are many memories that are very painful. I have a hard time deciphering the good stuff through the bad.  It's almost like my brain tries to forget I even have a past it is so compartmentalized.

I wrote some stuff down about loving to roller skate and ride my bike, singing, helping my grandpa with the cows etc.  I haven't got to the painful suffering stuff yet.  I thought about this all the way to work and all the way home trying to figure out how this is going to help me find my personal mission/calling.

So I guess I might have to dive back into these past hurts to find more of what God might have planned for me as a mission.  I wrestle with this, but as I was driving home tonight a good example came to me for why this process is necessary.

I love back packing!  I don't get to do it much, but I love it! If I found someone that liked to go regularly, I would be, right now, out in my garage dragging out my gear getting ready. :)  You know why I love it so much?  The challenge of the journey!  I love getting to the top of the mountain, or around here where I live now, the hill :) However, without the journey the top of the mountain, waterfall, or wherever, would loose some satisfaction for me.

Why? because it's not just about getting to the destination, it is about everything in the middle to get there that gives meaning to the destination.  Its the talking with your friends on the trail, making your food over a fire, braving the elements together, having everything you need right on your back.  This is what makes the trip so great.  The destination is just the cherry on top.

Now, its not that the trip is all grand and happy.  You are going to sweat, climb, scrap knees or elbows, get wet, step in mud. It's not all blue skies and roses, but thinking about the goal spurs you on, and there is always some fun along the way and new discoveries.

You could take a helicopter ride to the top of the mountain or location, it might even be nice, but something is lost because there was no journey or fight to get there. There is definitely a different feeling when you reach the top of the mountain or destination with sweat running down your face, legs tired, and mud smeared on your boots. That is a way better feeling of pride in satisfaction :) not easy, but SO worth it!

So I began to understand a little more this journey of finding my personal mission that God has planted in me.  Some of my journey has been pretty painful, but it may be the very key to helping me find what I'm really looking for. If He just told me what to do it would be too easy, and I would miss the discoveries and experiences that help me to really own it, be passionate about it, and truly value the journey to help someone else.

What experiences have you had that have caused you suffering or pain? Maybe there is a jewel in there waiting for you to discover.  How does this pain point you toward finding passion to help someone else?  Remember, the journey is worth it! Pray about it God will show you :)

Thirsty? Try the Living Water!

There is this place inside me.  A void that comes around with different circumstances.  I try and fill that void sometimes with other things that I know are not good. An example is movies or TV shows like I have said before.  Overall, I'm doing better with TV, but I still struggle with over eating sometimes.  I am a sucker for carbs., pasta especially.  This weekend there was a picnic and I had to bring pasta salad.  It didn't get all eaten and now it sits in my fridge and has been beckoning me all week.  The last 2 days have been ridiculously bad.

I am beginning to see that these bad habits I have are attached to emotional stuff. And definitely like last post,  ways that again that devil tries to get at me. I have things in my heart that need healing hidden way deep. Some of them I may not even be fully aware of. 

Those pains and hurts or even sins are thirsty to be soothed in one way or another.  And hands down, food and media are the 2 prefered ways I soothe them.  Instead of looking to God I instantly and even sometimes knowingly turn to these things for relief.  I can't stand that hollow feeling in my heart. 

Really it is God calling me to lean on Him rather than use the shot of Novocaine from food or TV.  He wants me to draw close to Him and spend time with Him and let Him heal the wound in me.  But a lot of times like a wounded animal I withdraw and let the wound fester more, slowly eating away at me.

I read a story in John this morning about the Samaritan women.  Jesus had been walking through Samaria and was tired and stopped at Jacob's well.  The Samaritan women came to draw water from the well and Jesus asked her for a drink.  Jews and Samaritans did not get along and she was pretty shocked He would even talk to her.  But Jesus was using it as an opportunity to bring new light and hope into her life.  She had had 5 husbands in the past and now a boyfriend.  Her life full of pain and sin, and Jesus knew this.  He saw the chance to give her what her heart really needed, Him and hope of the Messiah, not the multiple husbands she was trying to fill the void and thirst in her life.  Jesus speaks in John 4:13-14 and tells her how she can forever quench this thirst.

•  "Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” NIV

Instead of running from that hollow feeling and quickly trying to soothe or quench that thirst with the temporary, I should press into God. The God who longs to help heal this part of me and forever quench this thirst in my soul to be whole. 

I managed to fast through dinner tonight.  Not that I need to skip meals all the time, but it is a way that I could press into God and focus on Him.  I pray to Him to help me with this hollow feeling, reveal to me where its coming from, and conquer this crazy thirst to eat myself into a corner over it. 

So tonight a small victory of pressing into God and through His strength fighting the temptation. Fasting clears the mind to hear God better as well.  I need to remember this living water from God will spring up, forever quench my thirst, and bring eternal life welling up to overflowing.  It might take some time for full healing in this area of my life, but tonight is a testament that He is working and will make me whole.

When do you feel that hollow thirst and void? How do you try and temporarily numb it? Try leaning into God next time praying for healing and strength to fight the temptation to numb.  He will give you living water welling up to quench that thirst forever! 
 

Spring Cleaning and a Homeless Man

So recently at my church there was a prayer conference. A pastor that has made it his mission to learn more about prayer.  I really enjoyed it and learned so much.  I had already started praying on my drives to work, because it is such an easy time to talk to God.  I usually have a long commute most days, so it is perfect.

This pastor was talking about taking time to really clear the path between you and God in prayer, before going through your prayer list or requests.  He made the suggestion to open up to God and pray for forgiveness.  He stated it really changed His prayer life. He said it helped him hear God more and be driven more by the Holy Spirit when the need presents itself.

It really made sense to me. So I have been doing this.  I want to hear God's voice more, especially in the moment, so when God brings someone in my way to help, I'm totally tuned in and can be the help needed.  I'm sure there are times when I do something and never know if I helped someone or not but there are times that can give us a glimpse that we heard God, obeyed, and God blessed.

This week I had a day where I had prayed more about this.  And in the evening, I saw a guy just wandering behind a fast food restaurant.  He was walking in kind of a listless way and seemed a little off.  I hadn't planned on driving that direction but I saw this gentlemen. As I pulled near him, I just felt like I should ask if he was alright.  The guy looked at me and then in my car and said "actually I could use something to eat, could you spare a little"

Now this guy was in a part of town that is not at all homeless central.  Our little section of town is anything but.  He was walking back behind the restaurant not close to a street like most do to beg.  For a moment, I thought what am I doing? Then I looked into his eyes and realized, maybe I was suppose to be here for this guy right here right now.  So I pulled out my cash and gave it to him.  He graciously thanked me and bowed his head in a respectful nod and kept walking.

I know some people think you shouldn't give cash like that, because maybe it would feed a drinking habit.  I don't know about this guy. It might have.  Or it might have been a good thing especially when I think about the timing and circumstances. I hope that he was able to have a good meal that night and feel blessed.

Looking on it now I wonder if I could have done more or should have done something else, but maybe this was God's way of showing me how to listen and read the signs.  So I keep praying to clear the space between God and my heart so I can hear better.  Next time maybe I will know what more I can do, but I do feel it was a step closer to hearing God and being ready to serve.

So I guess looking at the prayer thing, it is kinda like spring cleaning only every day. It cleans the sins and junk of our lives so that it doesn't bog us down, cloud our vision, and jumble up communication with God.  It keeps the devil from getting that little edge to pull us away.  If we continue giving these things up to God, the devil looses his power over us and we are more free to hear God speak and have His Spirit poured out on us.

So God bless that homeless man out there.  I added him to my prayers. And I pray, I get better at hearing God to know how to do more when the moments come up like this one.  

Need some spring cleaning? Wanting to hear Him more? Or maybe you're feeling homeless? Ask God to cleanse you with His wonderful powerful forgiveness and feel Him wash over you, speak to you, and give you a home of peace in your heart.